Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard."...

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By Iguana - 12/09/2012 02:35 - Canada - Oromocto

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard." After excitedly rushing across town, I realized this wasn't a euphemism, he actually bought an Iguana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 714

You deserved it 28 776

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 17:35 - Canada

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 403

You deserved it 12 874

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 174

By Elle(; - 11/08/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I felt something tickling my neck. Thinking it was him, I ignored it. Just when I was about to climax, I looked down to see a lizard on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 017

You deserved it 254

By lorrilanee - 20/11/2010 06:20 - Australia

Today, I finally made out with my boyfriend. Let's just say his idea of making out is moving his tongue like a lizard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 200

You deserved it 5 088

Wrong place

By anonymous - 05/07/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex in the janitor's closet of the pet store where I work. We were really getting into it when we were rudely interrupted by dozens of salamanders crawling up our legs. I had forgotten to lock the cage before we started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 708

You deserved it 74 107

By Anonymous - 28/03/2011 18:52 - Macedonia

Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 796

You deserved it 6 882

Thanksssss

By Mojosahomo - 10/01/2018 17:30 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my cat decided to show me just how much he loves me by bringing a live snake into my bedroom. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 167

You deserved it 623

By Hunter cat - 02/11/2018 13:30

Today, when I got back to my bedroom, I found my cat had left not one, not two, but four dead lizards for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 346

You deserved it 384

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 02:43 - United States - Boston

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 066

You deserved it 3 784

Underwhelming

By rabbitkiller - 20/06/2015 10:42 - China - Wuhai

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 723

You deserved it 5 747

FMLshark 12

Wednesday 12 September 2012 9:17

Sounds like the same boyfriend who wanted to test water displacement in the bathtub with his girlfriend.

rncannon 18

Wednesday 12 September 2012 9:20

I would have been pretty excited anyway. Iguanas are cool.

Comments

HeyArnold91 8

Wednesday 12 September 2012 17:24

I've never heard I guy nickname his penis lizard. Idk why you would even think he meant that.

pittyfinny 4

Wednesday 12 September 2012 17:50

How'd that taste? XD

CarouselHeart 11

Wednesday 12 September 2012 17:54

You rushed across town because you were that excited over dick? Jesus, calm down. Plus, lizards are cool.

vicksidhu18 3

Wednesday 12 September 2012 18:50

Lol

osm1989_fml 6

Wednesday 12 September 2012 19:32

If a guy asked me if I wanted to play with his lizard, when what he means is "Do you want to make sex?" I would be far from excited... In fact, I would not be aroused in the slightest... You have a strange idea of dirty talk...