Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard."...

By Iguana - 12/09/2012 02:35 - Canada - Oromocto

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard." After excitedly rushing across town, I realized this wasn't a euphemism, he actually bought an Iguana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 713

You deserved it 28 771

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 17:35 - Canada

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 402

You deserved it 12 871

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML

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You deserved it 171

By Elle(; - 11/08/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I felt something tickling my neck. Thinking it was him, I ignored it. Just when I was about to climax, I looked down to see a lizard on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 006

You deserved it 252

By lorrilanee - 20/11/2010 06:20 - Australia

Today, I finally made out with my boyfriend. Let's just say his idea of making out is moving his tongue like a lizard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 193

You deserved it 5 087

Wrong place

By anonymous - 05/07/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex in the janitor's closet of the pet store where I work. We were really getting into it when we were rudely interrupted by dozens of salamanders crawling up our legs. I had forgotten to lock the cage before we started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 707

You deserved it 74 092

By Anonymous - 28/03/2011 18:52 - Macedonia

Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 791

You deserved it 6 879

Thanksssss

By Mojosahomo - 10/01/2018 17:30 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my cat decided to show me just how much he loves me by bringing a live snake into my bedroom. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 163

You deserved it 622

By Hunter cat - 02/11/2018 13:30

Today, when I got back to my bedroom, I found my cat had left not one, not two, but four dead lizards for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 344

You deserved it 384

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 02:43 - United States - Boston

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 060

You deserved it 3 781

Underwhelming

By rabbitkiller - 20/06/2015 10:42 - China - Wuhai

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 715

You deserved it 5 743

FMLshark 12

Wednesday 12 September 2012 9:17

Sounds like the same boyfriend who wanted to test water displacement in the bathtub with his girlfriend.

rncannon 18

Wednesday 12 September 2012 9:20

I would have been pretty excited anyway. Iguanas are cool.

Comments

draco2468 3

Thursday 13 September 2012 9:15

Iguanas are so cool your bf must be proud of his lizard.

kitsune3 20

Saturday 15 September 2012 6:51

That sucks, OP. Bet you were really disappointed. For the record, though, "euphemism" isn't the word you needed there. The right term for that would be "metaphor" or "figure of speech." A euphemism is a nicer or more politically correct way of saying something offensive. I guess it works by technicality, but it's not the best fit.

BOSSKILLA 4

Sunday 16 September 2012 20:31

butthole sauce

FaygoAndMiracles 18

Monday 17 September 2012 6:25

Why does everyone think nowadays that everything is an innuendo? They can be funny as jokes, but still, when it sounds like someone is not joking, you should probably assume they aren't trying to sound perverted.

kitsune3 20

Tuesday 18 September 2012 19:14

I'm sorry, we weren't aware you had been there and could hear how he said it. (Note, sarcasm is being used here.) Maybe he said it in a way that unintentionally sounded like an innuendo. Besides that, people make mistakes. Get over yourself.