Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend showed me how he gives himself a semi-erection...

By 4fucksake - 18/07/2010 23:26 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend showed me how he gives himself a semi-erection before he goes into the men's showers after training so his penis will look bigger in front of all the guys. I find it worrying that he won't have sex with me, but has no problem walking around in front of men naked with a semi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 398

You deserved it 4 698

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By dickofbrokendreams - 02/03/2015 05:14 - United States - Waynesville

Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 022

You deserved it 3 479

By bathtime - 21/12/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 941

You deserved it 4 210

Not fair

By Anonymous - 03/11/2021 17:00

Today, my boyfriend is quite capable of getting an erection. He gets one when we watch porn, when I talk dirty to him and do handjobs or blowjobs, but the moment I get naked for the main event, he goes as soft as a boiled noodle. I haven’t been properly shagged in 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 247

You deserved it 324

Fetishes come in all sizes

By unboned - 11/05/2016 17:30 - United States - Katy

Today, my boyfriend got a raging boner while looking around at a gun store. He hasn't had any sexual interest in me in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 603

You deserved it 2 833

By peniswoman - 14/07/2013 17:03 - United Kingdom - Paisley

Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around his neck and with a hard-on, then declared he was "The Penis Man" and slapped me with his junk. I thought I was dating a man, not a man-child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 035

You deserved it 18 337

By anon. - 17/01/2012 23:41 - United States

Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 156

You deserved it 8 786

No kinkshaming, but…

By Anonymous - 04/12/2018 15:00 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I realized that my husband's preferred sexual activities not only don't require me to take off my clothes, but go much better for him when I don't. He doesn't get why this makes me self-conscious about getting naked in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 241

You deserved it 446

By Anonymous - 22/03/2013 23:21 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 410

You deserved it 19 275

Unsanitary

By Anonymous - 01/06/2020 14:00

Today, I demanded to know why my boyfriend takes so long in public toilets. He admitted his ex was such a nasty ho, she would drag him into public toilets whenever she wanted dick in public. So now every time he goes in one, he gets a boner and has to "get rid of it" before he can come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 084

You deserved it 343

Libido

By Jena - 05/08/2022 01:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I found out that my boyfriend would rather jerk off to porn than to ever touch me, even if I wear a naughty outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 334

Earths_Venus 25

Monday 19 July 2010 9:11

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

smokergirl420 0

Monday 19 July 2010 9:09

there's something wrong with that boy >.>

Comments

metalr82 0

Monday 19 July 2010 14:11

wow your bf has to be gay

benrlc 0

Monday 19 July 2010 14:21

He's a ****

imhowie 2

Monday 19 July 2010 14:21

That is a completely different situation. He probably doesn't believe in premarital sex and just doesn't want to seem small in front of the other guys. it's not like he's doing it because he wants one of them to have sex with him.

RedPillSucks 31

Tuesday 20 July 2010 3:11

hmmmmm... He doesn't believe in premarital sex, but thinks its OK to ********** himself to semi-erectness? seems a bit odd to me...

terranada 3

Monday 19 July 2010 14:37

I wanna take you to a GAY BAR!! GAY BAR! GAY BAR!!!

Quest_ 13

Monday 19 July 2010 15:14

I got something to put in you! I got something to put in you! I got SOMETHING TO PUT IN YOU At the gay bar, GAY BAR, GAY BAR

abstar 0

Monday 19 July 2010 15:44

thank goodness I was not the only one singing this song as I read this. ;)

madgirl102492 0

Monday 19 July 2010 14:46

You should go to a bar find a straight man,and send your current to a gay bar

quelsauvage 12

Monday 19 July 2010 14:50

your man is gay.

staynplay 0

Monday 19 July 2010 15:08

why does 'organizedchaos' ruin every fml post by being leaving smartass know it all comments giving a explanation for everything. takes the fun out of it.

bulldog678 0

Tuesday 20 July 2010 1:45

lol

RedPillSucks 31

Tuesday 20 July 2010 3:14

I'd like to point out that it's physiologically impossible for someone to "**** themselves". I don't consider the assistance of auto-erotic devices (like cars, ******, etc) to be self-*******. I've tried it, and I don't feel like I'm ******* myself at all.