Intimacy: Today, my Breaking Bad-obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase...

By SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! - 01/02/2015 16:17 - United States - Gurnee

Today, my Breaking Bad-obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks" during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 350

You deserved it 4 298

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Same thing different taste

By -___- - 29/09/2013 19:46 - United States - Winfield

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 774

You deserved it 27 690

Turn off

By no no no - 21/03/2023 02:00

Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 309

Dirty talk

By Username - 24/02/2010 15:06

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 777

You deserved it 4 765

By Anonymous - 14/08/2012 05:16 - United States - Norfolk

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 445

You deserved it 4 922

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 03:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 318

You deserved it 10 510

By fffmmll - 21/03/2011 16:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 980

You deserved it 56 247

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 23:02 - United States - Rocky Point

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 957

You deserved it 5 655

To each his own

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 14:00

Today, during sex, my boyfriend found it appropriate to tell me he loves "how bad" I smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 235

By anonymous - 29/07/2012 13:34 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my OCD boyfriend stopped mid-way through sex just to crack all ten of his knuckles after accidentally cracking one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 456

You deserved it 4 894

By ohgod... - 02/04/2012 02:18 - Canada - Magog

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 179

You deserved it 3 431

organizse 28

Monday 2 February 2015 0:16

"SAY MY NAME" "SAY. MY. NAME." "Mood killer."

KhaleesiDannie 26

Monday 2 February 2015 0:15

Fandom's don't belong in the bedroom

Comments

kellilynn 18

Wednesday 4 February 2015 19:46

That's ******* amazing

AwesomeAnyway 10

Sunday 8 February 2015 5:25

Better call Saul!

abused_introvert 0

Tuesday 10 February 2015 5:34

BURN. BITCH !!!

annalivlivliv 20

Thursday 26 February 2015 9:51

"Look at me Hector"

ciammmm 11

Thursday 23 July 2015 4:29

I approve of the foreplay. hahahaha

Keywords

Cute Love Surprise Awkward Texting My ex Wanker Intimacy Sex Health Insomnia Sleep Mental health Cooking Food Kids Weekend Parents Pranks Annoying Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Technology Zoom Coworkers Argument Roommate Animals Cats

The Top

Today, I locked myself out of my apartment. But it’s 2024, so I have a smart lock I can unlock through an app on my phone. Except I also left my phone inside. The worst part? I had to ask my neighbor to call my mom so she could unlock my apartment from her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 375

Today, I was on a video call with my grandmother, trying to teach her how to use Facebook. I patiently explained the difference between posting a status and sending a private message. Five minutes later, I saw her new status: “I love you, honey. Thanks for being so patient with me. By the way, I still don’t understand this shit.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 102

The Top

Today, I played with the white dust on the counter at work for the last time. After a couple of weeks of arriving to a thin coating of dust over the counter, and drawing in it, piling it up and other such fun things, I met the guy who now does the earlier shift. He has a huge, dandruffy beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 267

You deserved it 13 513

Today, my mom sold our electronic stuff to pay for hurricane shutters. We live in Chicago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 733

You deserved it 2 971

Well that's adorable.

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 90

Today, my fiancée and I slept in separate rooms, even though we're now considered married based on a Congolese ceremony we had, because I got Covid. We will have two bedrooms in our next place, but the lease starts next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 192

Today, I had a really important job interview, and as i was about to leave for it my mom told me to remember to make eye contact. As I was walking in, it was the only thing I could think about, so looking directly at him my foot hits a lip in the floor and my head slams into his desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 007

You deserved it 7 762

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 409

You deserved it 6 835

Same thing different taste

Turn off

Dirty talk

To each his own

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