Health: Today, my brother asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick....

By cuntocracy - 21/01/2014 22:27 - Australia

Today, my brother asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick. I stupidly said yes and now have a black eye from where he punched me. My dad thinks it's hilarious and my mum says he didn't know any better. He's 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 237

You deserved it 6 076

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Same thing different taste

By vreenya - 08/04/2014 20:13 - Chile - Santiago

Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 616

You deserved it 4 059

By NaomiMadison - 30/07/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 122

You deserved it 3 144

By tsakashvili - 26/05/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 864

You deserved it 18 915

Iron Man

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 23:46 - United States

Today, my little brother punched me in the stomach. When I didn't flinch and he asked me why, I thought it would be funny to tell him I was Iron Man and that nothing could hurt me. Two seconds later, he took a step back and kicked me in the nuts as hard as he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 676

You deserved it 38 482

By Normal - 13/12/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, my brother and I got in a fight and he told my friends that I am mentally disabled. They believed him. Apparently, "everything makes sense now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 003

You deserved it 3 875

No touching!

By Noname - 27/01/2009 19:36 - United States

Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 011

You deserved it 23 342

By mochiko - 09/08/2009 07:28 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 483

You deserved it 56 326

Jedi mind trick

By Anonymous - 02/10/2019 04:00

Today, my stepdad punched me in the face after I told him I hated him. He and my mom came in 10 minutes later to try to convince me that I'd made it up in my head that he'd punched me. My face was still red. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 270

You deserved it 202

By WickedRene - 02/08/2014 01:57 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 945

You deserved it 8 227

Fight Club

By MyFaceHurts - 03/08/2010 10:40 - United States

Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 858

You deserved it 55 527

Welshite 39

Wednesday 22 January 2014 2:11

Now you see him...now you don't.

jnanderson 16

Wednesday 22 January 2014 2:11

I guess that's what they call black humor.

Comments

junkman6 22

Wednesday 22 January 2014 2:13

Now is when you show him a magic trick. Kick him in the nuts so hard that one vanishes.

Godsofdracos 15

Wednesday 22 January 2014 22:03

Easy there satan, I doubt a 13 year old ranks high enough to be forcibly castrated.

whothewhat 4

Wednesday 22 January 2014 2:13

That's what brothers are good for.

Jori_A 5

Wednesday 22 January 2014 2:13

Woulda just punched him back!

peanut52 8

Wednesday 22 January 2014 2:15

of corse you would say that it's black humor and your black

peanut52 8

Wednesday 22 January 2014 2:18

of course you would say that, you're black and that's black humor,.

Zelphoric 25

Wednesday 22 January 2014 3:33

Solving violence with violence! Brilliant! This never has any consequences, nope!

peanut52 8

Wednesday 22 January 2014 2:13

if he's 13 how are u

littlekellilee 45

Wednesday 22 January 2014 2:43

Probably not great, she just got punched in the eye.

EdenCrystal 21

Wednesday 22 January 2014 2:14

The trick was that he punched you, the magic was that he didn't get in trouble.

DildoFaggins 5

Wednesday 22 January 2014 2:15

Shave his head when he's sleeping :-)

thatkidmal 15

Wednesday 22 January 2014 2:15

Never say yes to a magic trick from a child, it always goes bad

olpally 32

Wednesday 22 January 2014 2:22

Love the username!! Lol. Just punch him back and tell your dad you didn't know any better.

Baucis 10

Wednesday 22 January 2014 2:24

Wow. I would of got my ass kicked by my dad. Paybacks are a bitch, getem.

WhatsOpTic 11

Wednesday 22 January 2014 2:42

Black magic! Eyyyyyy! No? Okay I'll just go sit in my corner...

Sports_guy3 28

Wednesday 22 January 2014 3:13

Yes... it's already been said.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my parents told me that unless I think about my behaviour and make some real changes, people are going to think I’m weird or suspicious, and I’ll never make friends. This is because I choose to attend church on Sundays instead of watching TV and getting drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 267

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 712

You deserved it 5 223

The Top

Today, I have to attend a mandatory parenting class due to a false report filed against me with CPS. My son's school play is at the same time as today's class, and I'll have to miss it so I can learn how to be a "better mom". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 768

You deserved it 1 796

Today, my father took revenge on me for bankrupting him in a game of Monopoly. His revenge consisted of having a truckload of sand dumped in my driveway while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 321

You deserved it 3 664

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years after finally realizing I'm a lesbian. He then outed me to my very religious and conservative family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 966

You deserved it 966

Today, a girl from my college, who's been following me around for months, finally asked me out. Not being interested, I politely declined. Now she's convinced everyone that we hooked up and that I have an incredibly small penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 834

You deserved it 7 462

Today, I was driving home from work when I was pulled over by a cop. She asked why I was being pulled over and figuring she knew I said, "For swerving because of my alcohol problem." I had a broken tail light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 149

You deserved it 53 594

Today, apparently my bathroom breaks have perfect comedic timing. My very religious parents were praying in the living room. I quietly snuck into the bathroom that's less than ten yards from where they're at. Right as they finished praying and saying "Amen" I let off a massive fart, and my dad burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 109

Same thing different taste

Iron Man

No touching!

Jedi mind trick

Fight Club

Top comments

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