Miscellaneous: Today, my dad created a new rule: It isn't old until there's...

By ohlordhelpmenow - 15/01/2012 03:54 - United States

Today, my dad created a new rule: It isn't old until there's mold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 510

You deserved it 2 698

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Same thing different taste

My house, my rules

By Bondi414 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad made a new house rule: "If it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down." My whole house now smells like piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 883

You deserved it 2 846

By moudly - 06/01/2010 21:28 - United States

Today, my mom finally believed me when I said I smelled mold. I lifted up the couch, and it was covered in mold. So were the bottoms of all our furniture, our beds, and my grandma's vintage chair. We've been living in mold for the past 4 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 624

You deserved it 5 001

Moldy excuse

By andrea - 02/05/2022 10:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my idiot daughter has allowed mold to grow in her shower. Her excuse? She thought it was just some “stains” that wouldn’t come out. Yeah, I don’t believe that. I think she knew it was mold and just didn’t care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 295

By Sick - 28/01/2017 16:00

Today, I noticed a thick layer of mold growing inside the straw of my water bottle. I use that bottle every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 739

You deserved it 4 750

Cruel summer

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 22:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, it’s a rather wet summer and everything in our house is prone to mould. No, I’m not exaggerating when I say “everything”: I just found mould growing on the plates in the cupboard. And, no, we did not accidentally put them away unwashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 97

By Cheese luv - 21/09/2016 16:55 - Australia - Watson

Today, my father threw out my $100 wedge of blue cheese because it "smelled funny". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 000

You deserved it 2 245

By TheMysteriousTsundere - 03/11/2018 15:30

Today, my dad threw out all my food because a fly landed on a loaf of bread still in its package. He claims the bread and everything else that touched it is "contaminated". That was all the food I had for the rest of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 879

You deserved it 164

Hangover blues

By VibeCheck - 10/03/2020 07:57

Today, I woke up hungover and went to the kitchen for some food. I saw what I thought was a blueberry muffin. Halfway through eating it, I realized I couldn’t taste any blueberries, so I tried another one. I then remembered my dad telling me to throw out any old food we had. It was mould. FML

I agree, your life sucks 553

You deserved it 1 838

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

By Anonymous - 01/05/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I noticed mold on my toothbrush. I have no idea how long it's been like that. I told my husband about it via text, and all he could say was, "Welp... ew." We've had a mold problem for years and I'm constantly sick. I also mentioned this and he sent me a shrugging emoji. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 147

By uncleaning - 22/07/2009 23:03 - United States

Today, after I cleaned out the fridge of things that expired months ago, my roommate got angry and insisted upon pulling all the moldy dairy products out of the garbage and putting them back because "they weren't mine and I shouldn't throw out other people's food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 589

You deserved it 4 599

perdix 29

Sunday 15 January 2012 9:38

Is he talking about food or women?

123josie123 11

Sunday 15 January 2012 9:31

The new version of 5second rule??

Comments

Jazzy_B34r 12

Sunday 15 January 2012 11:20

0_o...same with my dad...except, he makes us eat it even if it does have mold...

Dramori 29

Sunday 15 January 2012 11:30

My rule is easy - if in doubt, deep-fry it!

jellyD 1

Sunday 15 January 2012 11:32

Gross!

Solid_Hippo 4

Sunday 15 January 2012 11:33

Win just for the user name.

stilldrunk88 6

Sunday 15 January 2012 11:40

Love this rule! I am now following it.

GoW_Chick 14

Sunday 15 January 2012 11:48

Hey it's just your dad's money making scheme, he can make good cheese that way, and sell it to rich people, they love smelly old cheese.

hardonforjesus 10

Sunday 15 January 2012 11:52

Well he won't have a problem when you start going for the mature man then, will he

aFreedom127 9

Sunday 15 January 2012 12:01

Parenting by cliche! Love it.

micahsmommy 13

Sunday 15 January 2012 12:13

Get some 'snow in a can' and spray it on anything expired. It'll look like mold so you won't have to eat it.

SlipStream93 2

Sunday 15 January 2012 12:16

It's catchy and you can dance to it!

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The Top

Today, I arrived at a camp and met one of my roommates. At bedtime, I had energy still, so I did push-ups. The guy was asleep or so I thought because he was facing the wall. The guy thought I was jacking off and told everyone I did it in the middle of our room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 863

You deserved it 2 846

Today, I took my new boyfriend's virginity about 10 minutes ago. He kept whispering, "It’s inside you, it’s actually inside you… feels kind of sticky, slippery, it’s actually inside you I can’t believe it.” It was super off-putting and a bit creepy. And no, I definitely did not orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 277

The Top

Today, my hairdresser apologised because he couldn't distinguish the hair from the back of my head from the hair from my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 487

You deserved it 8 858

Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 306

You deserved it 3 092

Today, it's been a week since my dad told me I’m no longer allowed to put my phone on do not disturb when I sleep, and a scam caller woke me up at 7 am. I’ve had a serious migraine ever since because waking up early triggers my migraines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 140

Today, I was chatting to a cashier I see quite a lot, trying to be as charming and as unsmarmy as possible. When she asked if I wanted the receipt, I panicked and said, "No thanks, I don’t believe in paper." She looked at me like I was an alien. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 443

Tsk tsk tsk...

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 715

Today, while on my way to a meeting and the following job interview I had lined up, I slipped on ice crossing the road, landing on my dominant arm. The pain was awful but I persisted and attended both. Later, it turned out I'd shattered my elbow and fractured my radius. I really hope I get that job now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 107