Intimacy: Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money,...

By nothowtheydoitinalabama - 22/02/2012 03:43 - United States

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 570

You deserved it 3 714

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Same thing different taste

By kaynotentirelywrong - 15/08/2013 16:49 - Canada - Repentigny

Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 203

You deserved it 13 353

By fucked up dad - 11/07/2013 19:50 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 452

You deserved it 6 651

Quick thinking

By me. - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 046

You deserved it 35 394

Realistic

By IBleedArbor - 16/02/2009 22:59 - United States

Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 301

You deserved it 5 027

Cash grab

By Anonymous - 13/01/2013 05:27 - Canada

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 287

You deserved it 5 058

Busting makes me feel good

By Anonymous - 03/02/2023 12:00

Today, my husband suggested we start making pornos online to make ends meet. I told him, “You bust so quickly, it’ll have to be a TikTok.” He’s been pouting all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 453

By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 15:27 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my dad wanted to show me a cool camera he saw on Amazon yesterday, so I let him use my laptop to find it. I realized too late that I'd forgotten to clear my browsing history. The suggested purchases section was filled with dildos and lube. He definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 757

You deserved it 8 892

By Anonymous - 22/05/2009 08:18 - Australia

Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 830

You deserved it 3 844

By nooneatall - 15/01/2010 03:16 - France

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 960

You deserved it 20 242

Cough cough

By Anonymous - 14/07/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, right now, for some reason my dad is sat in the living room masturbating. In our house you have to go through the living room to reach the front door, as there's no access to the front of the house if I go out the back to the garden. It’s been a while. If he doesn’t hurry up I’ll be late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 95

peachesncreem 21

Wednesday 22 February 2012 8:34

At least it's an original idea?

dookiedoo 0

Wednesday 22 February 2012 8:34

Too late I just patented that.

Comments

Honda288 2

Thursday 23 February 2012 5:12

From an animals point of view I'm sure that'd be a kick ass idea.

StephanyTheSheep_fml 4

Thursday 23 February 2012 5:37

I'll pay a dollar if it makes me hollar;)

antwon86 4

Thursday 23 February 2012 16:00

*Slow clap here*

at_1sexymofo 3

Thursday 23 February 2012 9:49

The ****...your dad into some kinky shit O_o

st3phr0 2

Thursday 23 February 2012 10:13

Wait hold up! For animals!? Thats just gross and unethical!

Awnonymous 4

Thursday 23 February 2012 10:26

You people are retards. People do this for artificial insemination, manually. Thus the need for a machine, so no one needs to give a bull a handjob.

CommanderBalls 10

Thursday 23 February 2012 16:18

that's critical thinking

Minicoop33 1

Friday 24 February 2012 6:11

You're Dad is weird

CaitlinMaree 0

Monday 27 February 2012 13:27

Female chimpanzees use sticks to get themselves off, and both male and females will have a play with the males. I saw footage on discovery channel. So I love the idea but I think they just use nature!