Kids: Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism...

By Anonymous - 24/06/2011 21:22 - United States

Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 229

You deserved it 7 104

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Same thing different taste

By dickhead - 10/04/2015 22:17 - United States

Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 171

You deserved it 3 395

Vandals

By Interpid traveler - 07/09/2021 05:01

Today, I was woken up by my wife calling the police because our garden had been ransacked during the night. A whole row of houses has had their plants uprooted, greenhouses broken into and garden tools stolen. The cops haven't found any leads and I feel terrible for my wife, who poured her heart and soul into that garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 700

You deserved it 89

By Anonymous - 29/04/2014 02:39 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 316

You deserved it 3 845

By bail? - 29/08/2019 23:00 - United States - Omaha

Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 181

By ilivealoneandwhatthefuck - 23/06/2013 17:02 - Guam - Yigo

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 295

You deserved it 4 336

A good thing? Really?

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 12:00

Today, my daughter had to deal with a Karen at her job, lost her temper, and punched her unconscious just to shut her up. Sounds like a good thing, right? Wrong, she pressed charges, got my daughter arrested, and she’s now facing years in prison for grievous bodily harm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 1 356

Stitched up

By Busted - 26/07/2010 12:26 - South Africa

Today, I was woken up by the police pounding on my door, saying I was under arrest for stealing road signs. My friends went drinking last night and thought it would be funny to steal seven stop signs, four bus stop signs, and two children crossing signs, then plant them on my front lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 352

You deserved it 4 890

By nosestealer - 07/07/2013 21:57 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 478

You deserved it 9 866

Pants on fire

By Lucille - 07/09/2019 00:01

Today, while going through my daughter’s room, I found a pair of pants with the security tag still attached. My daughter is a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 331

By icarlymom - 05/03/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, my 18 year-old daughter comes home, telling me she has been fired from her job at McDonalds. The reason? They had iCarly Happy Meal toys and she couldn't resist stealing one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 604

You deserved it 5 403

thegypsy 0

Saturday 25 June 2011 1:48

not the gnomes!!!

ThorneCrossed 9

Saturday 25 June 2011 1:55

I met a girl who actually had a sexual fetish for garden gnomes. I wouldn't mind being a gnome, she was cute. Jesus that sounded weird

Comments

Smidgery 5

Saturday 25 June 2011 12:58

:) Your daughter is amazing! Knomes are evil they must all be destroyed!

unvmesucka 0

Saturday 25 June 2011 13:03

Guess that makes her a Gnome-napper!

kalbrek009 20

Saturday 25 June 2011 15:33

she was wrong to do what she did, but then again.......garden gnomes are EVIL! I say round em all up & crush them!....lol...JK.

trinityariel 0

Saturday 25 June 2011 16:09

thats an lol right there thats a proud of kid

odge 3

Saturday 25 June 2011 16:19

now that's 25 to life

xXxmurderxXx 0

Saturday 25 June 2011 18:16

I'd be smashing the gnomes too! I hate them so much.

terence78 0

Saturday 25 June 2011 18:38

Sounds like my kind of woman!

Mrrevorp 0

Saturday 25 June 2011 20:04

kids and their fetishes these days

coolp3rson 0

Friday 8 July 2011 0:47

kids and their stupid profile pics these days

nickfrantz 3

Saturday 25 June 2011 21:44

I garden gnomes!!

Sammie246 5

Saturday 25 June 2011 23:49

I guess somebody didn't like "Gnomeo and Juliet".....

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The Top

Today, I went to visit my fiancé's dying grandmother in the hospital with him. She started talking to us about living each day to the fullest. His grandmother points to me and says, "Life is short. That's why you don't waste any time screwing girls who look like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 780

You deserved it 4 168

Today, I am so sick and tired of watching my brother get everything he wants in life from being a bastard. He does everything I would consider bad and it’s made him rich and successful. I try and be a good person and all it got me is fired, and in danger of losing my car and house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 131

The Top

Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 801

You deserved it 46 716

Today, my mom said that we needed to have a family meeting because of all the issues that have been going on with our family. My mom, sister and I sat down and began to talk about everything. As I started to cry, my sister looks at my mom and says, "I win!" She bet my mom $20 that I would cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 159

You deserved it 7 999

Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 327

You deserved it 8 393

Today, I had to wipe someone else's shit off the toilet seat for the third day in a row. We had a new staff member join our team three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 299

You deserved it 478

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 556

You deserved it 4 530

Today, I don't know which is worse: my brother cramming all his sauce bottles into a fridge door shelf that exploded onto the floor when I opened the fridge, or my mother being mad at me because I was upset about slicing open my finger while cleaning up the broken glass and my hand now burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 132