Kids: Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them...

By TiredMum - 16/10/2013 13:33 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 132

You deserved it 7 106

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 16:17 - Philippines - Makati

Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 395

You deserved it 3 357

By I hate children - 18/08/2014 12:10 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 191

You deserved it 5 169

Masters of mischief

By Anonymous - 18/07/2024 16:00 - United States - Salem

Today, my 4-year-old twin sons discovered how to lock doors. They locked me out of the house while I was taking out the trash. I had to climb through the kitchen window, which they'd generously smeared with peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 144

Goals!

By faitesdesgosses - 19/05/2014 14:27 - France - Mantes-la-ville

Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like to have when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 194

You deserved it 7 131

By nosestealer - 07/07/2013 21:57 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 477

You deserved it 9 866

Merry Xmas

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 05:59 - United States - Jeromesville

Today, a friend had invited me to Christmas dinner since I have no family close by. When I got there, she told me that her and her husband had forgotten they had another dinner to go to, and asked if I would watch their kids for them. They each grabbed a handful of cookies I had baked and rushed out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 202

You deserved it 2 901

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I discovered that when business is slow at my family-owned store, my daughter and another employee make a habit of sneaking away to the back room. I have literally been paying this kid to screw around with my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 459

You deserved it 5 206

By ScaredDad - 02/05/2019 12:00

Today, I needed to grab something from the garage. As soon as the door closed, I heard a little click sound. My one-year-old seems to have figured out the door lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 862

You deserved it 255

Back to square one

By Anonymous - 05/05/2009 03:39 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my neighbors. Their 5 year-old had finally fallen asleep at 11 after two hours of stories and songs. No sooner had I tiptoed out of the room did I realize that my phone had dropped out of my pocket onto the bed. It was ringing. It was their mother checking in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 234

You deserved it 7 733

By pigtails - 16/01/2013 12:21 - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, management told me that I couldn't have a doorbell on my door. How did they get my attention to tell me this? By ringing my doorbell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 416

You deserved it 3 238

BellaBear90 27

Wednesday 16 October 2013 18:49

Smart cookies :)

pam241 15

Wednesday 16 October 2013 18:49

Genius kids you got there

Comments

dumpless 13

Monday 24 February 2014 4:35

That's the way the cookie crumbles

james0003 3

Saturday 14 June 2014 19:29

At least your kids are smart, evil genius is still genius

daemonsparta 16

Wednesday 6 May 2015 19:53

theyll go places they're smart and crafty

fantasyworld 37

Thursday 30 July 2015 22:45

They're crafty.

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Health Accident ADHD Medication Snow Weather Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

The Top

Today, my girlfriend will only have sex when she's on her period, because it's the only time she gets horny. She also gets body acne, bloating, and utterly foul BO and gas. The sex is so unpleasant, I'm starting to wish she just got cranky and emotional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 211

Today, I found out that my grandson is actually my stepson, my son is his half-brother, and my soon to be ex-husband impregnated our son’s wife, who’s a third his age. Yet somehow my slimy ex is the victim in all this because our son beat him to a bloody pulp while I did nothing to stop it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 93

The Top

Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 829

You deserved it 3 241

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 143

You deserved it 10 168

Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 293

You deserved it 8 196

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was going around saying that she tries to give time off to the other managers so they can spend time with their family and significant others. She looked at me and said she doesn't for me because I have no one special to spend time with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 542

You deserved it 2 856

Today, I called my husband and asked him what he wanted from our favorite fast food place. A divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 202

You deserved it 195

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 195

You deserved it 4 507