Kids: Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed...

By Anonymous - 21/09/2012 04:51 - United States

Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 461

You deserved it 3 786

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Same thing different taste

By KnuckleSandwich - 20/07/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 665

You deserved it 3 753

Great parenting

By clutzymama - 10/07/2015 04:27 - Canada - Woodbridge

Today, my 4-year-old daughter slipped on ceramic tile and I had to take her to the ER for 5 stitches to her chin. When we got home, I promptly split her chin open again as I over enthusiastically re-enacted how she fell to my husband and accidentally clocked her square in the chin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 462

You deserved it 16 469

By shoelace18 - 06/09/2009 04:19 - Canada

Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 886

You deserved it 5 972

By clublulu - 10/04/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 803

You deserved it 77 171

By nosestealer - 07/07/2013 21:57 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 478

You deserved it 9 866

Be careful, please!

By WolfsScar - 08/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Lincoln

Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 475

You deserved it 553

Cheeky

By RB84 - 22/04/2017 02:00

Today I got a call from my daughter's school, because she claimed that she couldn't see out of her right eye. I panicked and went to pick her up. On the way to the emergency room, she turns to me and says, "I'm fine. I didn't want to take a test." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 940

You deserved it 666

By espylone - 17/12/2011 15:42 - France

Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 142

You deserved it 6 496

Sussy Baka

By boymom - 04/08/2021 15:59

Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 161

Sorry sweetie

By ddhaley1 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Edmond

Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 804

You deserved it 3 321

Wolvander88 19

Friday 21 September 2012 12:07

A prick in the making.

klovemachine 24

Friday 21 September 2012 12:04

This calls for a severe punishment :(

Comments

88vivera 9

Saturday 22 September 2012 2:25

Never over react!

greeneye_fml 12

Saturday 22 September 2012 4:39

Tell her she won't have a birthday and/or Xmas this year because you had to spend the money on paying the bills for her little joke. That'll teach her.

gman90210 18

Saturday 22 September 2012 6:16

That is called for a serious butt whooping.

AZbeastboSS 2

Saturday 22 September 2012 7:16

Tell her, I'm dying, after she freaks out, say just joking

lukemack 4

Saturday 22 September 2012 7:53

That's why Australia's medicare system is amazing and us sucks

zander4310 5

Saturday 22 September 2012 8:01

*grounded for life*

mrsmaglietta 6

Saturday 22 September 2012 8:39

good thing you were already in a hospital I would have spanked some ass

183933 6

Saturday 22 September 2012 16:03

Make sure that for Christmas this year you wrap up a big box with her name on it. Inside just leave a card that simply says... Just Joking, love Santa!