Kids: Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer... - FML

By potatoebee - 03/04/2012 18:19 - United States - Clover

Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 726

You deserved it 27 242

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Same thing different taste

By kewtness_17 - 01/10/2011 23:10 - United States

Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 557

You deserved it 12 175

By Anonymous - 17/09/2014 21:57 - United States - Dewitt

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 561

You deserved it 4 700

Sunday funday

By Anonymous - 30/01/2023 01:30

Today, my 6 year-old daughter decided to let out a loud fart in the middle of a quiet church service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 408

By mew - 25/10/2011 18:04 - Canada

Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 175

You deserved it 3 236

By Anonymous - 23/07/2016 23:04 - United States - Atlanta

Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 871

You deserved it 19 273

By Anonymous - 03/07/2015 20:51 - United States

Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 109

You deserved it 4 035

By sbutler - 14/07/2011 20:14 - United States

Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 449

You deserved it 51 281

By MommyProblems - 19/01/2014 05:17 - United States

Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 037

You deserved it 6 860

Parroting

By Anonymous - 06/07/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, my toddler repeated a very inappropriate word I'd said when I'd stubbed my toe. He chose to do this in the middle of a crowded supermarket, loudly, and repeatedly. Now the whole town probably thinks I have questionable parenting skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 209

By ohcrap - 02/08/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 484

You deserved it 16 131

Next

Top comments

Jakesterk96 8

Wednesday 4 April 2012 0:18

Bend down? How tall do you think a 4 year old is?

Lexiloulynn 2

Wednesday 4 April 2012 0:13

I wonder why he bit your butt in the first place...

Comments

PicklesMcRaptor 0

Wednesday 4 April 2012 13:59

I find it remarkable that even with all the things science has done for us, people still believe in that crap.

Dylman 6

Wednesday 4 April 2012 14:16

creepy thing is we don't know if it's the mom or dad :@

SVZ 0

Wednesday 4 April 2012 14:29

You deserve it simply because you yelled cuss words at a 4 year old. This kind of parenting is what makes children retarteted!

Zomg_Okay 26

Wednesday 4 April 2012 14:45

I'm not normally one for correcting people but holy shit you messed that word up. For future reference, 192, it's spelled "retarded".

Zomg_Okay 26

Wednesday 4 April 2012 14:51

What is with all the idiots giving out to OP for going to church? Really, guys, you make him sound like a criminal for having beliefs. If you aren't religious, that's fine but you don't need to be an asshole about it. I'm saying that as someone who isn't religious either. There is no excuse for being an asshole to someone because of their religion.

claydrummer5323 5

Wednesday 4 April 2012 15:14

ok #192 you are "retarteted" as you put it for being a ******* RETARTED ass-mucher that cant spell. and sometimes it's okay to swear at children.:)

Zomg_Okay 26

Wednesday 4 April 2012 17:17

It's not okay to swear at children... Oh. If you're going to correct people, at least make the corrections correct.

brytonk 8

Wednesday 4 April 2012 15:33

Maybe you shouldn't go to church? Problem solved. I like fiction as much as the next guy, but i don't waste my sundays over it

dragondude123 8

Wednesday 4 April 2012 16:45

well you know what they say..if you give a kid too much suger it will come back and bite you in the ass haha

lovebeecharmer 6

Wednesday 4 April 2012 17:59

Did you use God's name in vain??

obeliks 4

Wednesday 4 April 2012 18:45

Good, show them your real belief!! God doesn't exist anyway!!

spottyblanket 8

Wednesday 4 April 2012 18:57

YDI, you shouldn't swear at a child.

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The Top

Today, I realized I’ve been saying “a whole nother” instead of “a whole other” my entire life. It wasn’t until my friend pointed it out with a smirk I’ve been speaking in an alternate universe. He was also the one to point out last year that my use of "like" every three words was "annoying and cringe." FML

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Today, I woke up with a hangover and my girlfriend seemed pissed at me. It took me a while before I remembered having sex the night before. I just didn't know exactly what had happened after that had pissed her off. Then I realized nothing happened, because I fell asleep while she was on top of me. FML

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The Top

Today, my older brother called me ugly, and so I used the classic comeback ''It's not nice to talk about yourself like that." He responded by cutting the strings to my violin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 274

You deserved it 2 903

Today, while dining at a restaurant I heard a women choking. I immediately ran to her, wrapped my arms around her and started giving her abdominal thrusts. She freed herself and slapped me. Turns out she wasn't choking, she was just laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 673

You deserved it 34 833

Today, my dad screamed at me because I've been "spending too much money". He's been out of a job for 4 months and I've been giving him 300 dollars a month to help pay for bills... and his beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 728

You deserved it 3 426

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 949

You deserved it 2 920

Today, It's been two years since I graduated from high school. The people in my grade excluded me from social activities and wouldn't talk to me. I dropped out of college when the same trends ensued and people treated me the same. For now, at 20, I serve drive-thru to people who bullied me, on their way to party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 304

Today, I went to the park and sat down on a bench to enjoy my coffee. I heard a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was. I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 327

You deserved it 7 549