Love: Today, my genius boyfriend was trying to remember a particular...

By Derp-A-Herp - 27/05/2011 05:46 - United States

Today, my genius boyfriend was trying to remember a particular island in the Caribbean that was used by pirates in the past. I offered up Morocco. I heard him facepalm over the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 659

You deserved it 55 321

Carnival of Disasters
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Same thing different taste

By GAGirl1 - 01/05/2014 21:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to drive to India. Thinking he meant Indiana, I said sure, knowing I have friends there. He said, "Bangladesh, India, here we come!" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 053

You deserved it 7 230

Geography major

By dating a fucking idiot - 08/09/2012 19:16 - United States

Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 906

You deserved it 13 915

¿Dónde estás?

By Anonymous - 09/03/2015 14:24 - Spain - Zaragoza

Today, an old friend of mine landed in Spain, where he's visiting me. After a few minutes talking about where we should meet, we realized the reason he couldn't figure out where it was, was probably due to the fact that he was in Barcelona. I live in Madrid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 890

You deserved it 4 852

By xXshitface4uXx - 25/07/2014 22:46 - New Zealand - Rotorua

Today, my dad asked me how I would feel about going on an all-expenses-paid, month-long holiday to the Caribbean. I was ecstatic and broke into tears of joy, saying I'd love it. He replied, "Yeah, me too. Shame it ain't happening!" then left for work, laughing his arse off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 852

You deserved it 9 125

By tina - 17/08/2010 12:30 - Canada

Today, I ran into my boyfriend at the mall, the same boyfriend who'd told me he was going on a family vacation to Mexico. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 181

You deserved it 4 101

By sadpoorlady - 22/06/2013 09:22 - United Kingdom - Appley Bridge

Today, my boyfriend used the "this isn't working, we need to talk" line on me. How nice of him to wait this long to do so, just days after we returned from the expensive Caribbean holiday that I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 891

You deserved it 5 012

Culture wars

By FrustratedTutor - 21/08/2015 20:00 - United States - Andover

Today, the kid I was tutoring told me that, "Pirates were a myth. Like the Greeks and Romans." He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 823

You deserved it 2 832

Kinda true, though

By Ponce de Leon's folly - 08/12/2022 09:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my fiancée informed me she wants us to go on a cruise for her birthday. I replied, "Ahhh cruise ships, the Walmart of the Seven Seas." She threw a mixer at my feet and told me I ruin everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 1 120

I heard that

By Anonymous - 25/04/2011 09:20 - Ireland

Today, I organised a romantic day trip for me and my boyfriend to some tropical gardens. I packed lunch and paid for the tickets. He decided to bring a friend, who doesn't speak English. The only thing that he said that I understood was that, "Your girlfriend eats a lot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 305

You deserved it 4 499

By Grrrawrwtf - 03/06/2012 04:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to break up with me but it had to be after our cruise together because he doesn't want to lose out on money. Can't wait for the Bahamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 950

You deserved it 2 463

kidclarke 15

Friday 27 May 2011 12:00

I'm surprised you didn't say Disneyland.

jennifer93 0

Friday 27 May 2011 12:10

Yeahhh math isnt my best subject either ;p

Comments

nivekcizia123 0

Friday 27 May 2011 12:52

lol i dont get it? ;)

kc1997kc 9

Saturday 28 May 2011 1:53

FAIL!

CaliGali 9

Friday 27 May 2011 12:52

someone needs a world map, actually lots of people do... stop offering names of places in Africa

babyfatty 2

Friday 27 May 2011 12:53

think you need to herp-derp yourself!

whatwhatbuttbutt 4

Friday 27 May 2011 12:55

Wow, I'd face palm over the phone too if I heard that. PS - it's Tortuga. Even Michael Bolton knows that.

Chavezcpc 5

Tuesday 12 July 2011 9:23

lonely island, jack sparrow?

Captain_Obvious2_fml 6

Friday 27 May 2011 12:58

i can understand where he is coming from.. id facepalm too

flyboy96 0

Friday 27 May 2011 13:08

Port Royal, Jamaica?

CitrusGirl 0

Friday 27 May 2011 13:09

Pretty sure it's Tortuga- which means turtle by the way. Things you learn from your POTC fan friends.

twinkybandit 2

Friday 27 May 2011 13:14

can you REALLY hear a facepalm? Sounds made up

VasilisaUzhasnaj 29

Friday 27 May 2011 14:03

Yes actually, if they slap themselves hard enough from shame.

freakindistracti 0

Friday 27 May 2011 13:22

Tortuga.... Just Sayin'....

abceasyas123abc 12

Friday 27 May 2011 13:28

..isn't it one of those things people use for rock-climbing and abseiling.. lol

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was in yoga class. We were in downward-facing dog pose, and the male instructor stood behind me and gave me an assist/adjustment by pulling upward on my hips. As I left the class, I realized that was the most intimate touch I've ever received from a man. I'm a 25-year-old straight woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 824

You deserved it 253

Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder. Unfortunately, I didn't realize a number of things. My stall was open, I made noises from frustration, and I looked like I was jacking off. When I gave up, somebody clapped and yelled, "FINALLY!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 019

You deserved it 51 377

The Top

Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 090

You deserved it 9 515

Today, after almost four years of having avoided her due to her hatred of my husband, my mother invited us both to a family dinner. My husband wanted to give her another chance, so we went. Less than an hour after arriving, I caught her hocking a loogie and spitting it into our food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 550

You deserved it 1 984

Today, I was pretending to be a mom with my friends, and I was joking how I bought them candy and that it cost me an arm and a leg, only to realize that the cashier only had one arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 820

Today, I was cockblocked by a machine. I'm in the hospital so I'm attached to the typical machines that monitor vitals, including heart rate. I fell asleep and had a sex dream which made my heart rate go up, which set off the beeping from the machine monitoring my vitals. Bam, I woke up, sex dream over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 236

Today, I had sex for the first time. Now my girlfriend won't talk to me because I don't think she is pretty enough since I "wanted it to be over so fast". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 241

You deserved it 3 077

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 082

You deserved it 3 311