By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Spicy
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
I agree, your life sucks 53 732
You deserved it 10 557
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Top comments

Saone_fml 27

So much for trying to please her... Next time she makes dinner, scream at her that she's cheating on you and practicing cooking for someone else.

517 11

Comments

FMLJFL 5

People who do it usually accuse others...

89 1
Jessj958 19

That's usually the case #12. A guilty conscious can drive them crazy!

9 1
SWC_Penguin 17

Do I have this right? Her ONLY clue was that you lasted 10 minutes? That's incredibly weak.

65 7
cupcakechick 17

he never said he only lasts 10 min, he said 10 minutes into having sex

6 21
SWC_Penguin 17

Guess what, I didn't say he "only" lasted 10 minutes either. That word's all on you.

19 2
xNephilim 18

I can see where they'd get that from, though. If she starts screaming at him after 10 minutes, that could mean she's not used to him lasting more than 6-8 minutes and 10 minutes are absolutely out of the norm for him, hence the amazingly stupid assumption he cheated.

21 3
Saikon1357 25

The man jerked it before having sex to make himself last longer. I'd say that's a pretty good indicator of OP having a short fuse until he blows his load.

10 3
ntherewas1 11

My ex boyfriend used to be terrible in bed; he'd last a minuscule amount of time and on top of that he didn't do foreplay…after we got back together he was surprisingly good! All sorts of stuff…from foreplay to different positions…and I got suspicious too that he'd been having sex with other women. The improvement really was huge.

2 4
LittlePengy 22

#104 what do you mean you got suspicious of him doing other girls?? you said after you got back together, he probably did do other girls?

1 0
Inciter 33

Well, she must have trust issues if she thinks you're cheating because you last more than ten minutes. Tell her the truth so she'll back off.

22 0
laden_swallow09 34

If she overreacted like that on a mere assumption with only one indicator that he lasts longer, I don't think she'd be eager to accept truth.

2 1
kendallw13 15

tell her the truth! I think it's kinda sweet in a weird way that you did that because wanted to last longer for her.

64 3
tygerarmy 35

Well you have been with Palmela Handerson

39 6
gc327072 30

Is that the girl down the road with Pam-sized teddies?

2 15
mikeymayhem_87 15

Maybe had a threesome with Rosy Palms as well

5 1
Catkam623 27

You cheated on Jill.., bastard you know she's always been there for you.

7 1
greenie213 23

Yeah you're cheating... with Miss Palmer and her five sisters!

11 7
mangoboy1 19

Your girlfriend(I hope ex now) is a bitch.

9 22
xrudeboyrock 29

I read that like you were masturbating with her there.

2 22
Enslaved 36

That's some "There's something about Mary" hair gel advice!(:

7 14
countryrose92 23

Tell her what you did and then suggest that if she wants to help you last longer instead of you doing it yourself, next time start with a BJ and then later in the evening follow up with the main event. :)

16 8