Love: Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility...

By Anonymous - 15/06/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 674

You deserved it 7 333

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Same thing different taste

By steve - 05/09/2012 08:14 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 065

You deserved it 5 346

Alas, poor Donatello

By randomsamm - 17/10/2019 04:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 990

You deserved it 223

By Afroman720 - 27/07/2015 18:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 775

You deserved it 2 890

By JhKhS - 14/09/2009 10:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 567

You deserved it 9 488

By cclllc - 14/08/2012 09:06 - United States - Weatherford

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 040

You deserved it 2 096

By Anonymous - 07/12/2018 07:30 - United States - Rockville Centre

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 366

You deserved it 233

By Anonymous - 15/02/2012 05:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 792

You deserved it 5 880

By hellostupid - 28/03/2013 08:19 - United States

Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 970

You deserved it 4 811

By Anonymous - 03/04/2013 13:32 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 683

You deserved it 6 104

By WTF - 16/01/2013 07:52

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 577

You deserved it 4 355

arela 0

Monday 15 June 2009 23:08

give it away give it away give it away now

under_estimated 0

Monday 15 June 2009 23:07

i would just give the turtle away

Comments

madlogik 0

Monday 15 June 2009 23:12

ship it back to her via purolator lmao. ... still. fyl if you never wanted the turtle in the 1 st. place!!!

NickelPhosphate 0

Monday 15 June 2009 23:13

Haha! Well. It's still a living animal, so please please please do not do anything cruel to it. Bring it to a local animal shelter or pet store and explain your situation, I'm sure you'll get some help.

SasuNaru_fml 0

Monday 15 June 2009 23:13

What's wrong with turtles?

_W_T_F_ 0

Monday 15 June 2009 23:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Dothewiggleyeah 0

Wednesday 25 April 2012 2:50

Dope!

emmabear1995 18

Monday 15 September 2014 17:30

You both have some issues to work out.

sirjohnly 0

Monday 15 June 2009 23:14

Heres an Idea: --> Cook the turtle and invite your ex over for a friendly dinner. Serve it to her and tell her about it AFTER she's eaten it. If she tries calling some animal protection service, throw away your cage and deny ever owning a turtle.

_khAttAm_ 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 20:18

This would be a fantastic idea. But killing the turtle is not. Give the turtle to someone you don't know and won't ever meet again. Just cook some other meat and invite her to dinner and tell her that it was the turtle that she gifted. Keep the bill of meat purchase if some animal rights protection activists show up.

UbeenKAKed 0

Wednesday 12 October 2011 6:25

This is a fantastic idea. You should take a video of you cooking the turtle, then after dinner show her the video. After the video, ask her if she wants dessert.

wbrycem 0

Monday 15 June 2009 23:14

14 - stfu

sharkshaveteeth 0

Monday 15 June 2009 23:14

If you don't want the turtle, please find a good home for it where it will not be released into the wild because the little fella probably wouldn't survive. :-(. It is more of a FML for the turtle. So I was adopted by what I thought would be a loving family... My "mom" left my "dad" and now it turns out that he never wanted me to begin with. FML!