Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice....

By PlayTag - 05/02/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 851

You deserved it 18 701

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Same thing different taste

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By bootyislife - 16/06/2015 20:01 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 679

You deserved it 7 399

Double-edged sword

By Janitoro - 23/11/2012 01:19 - United States

Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 423

You deserved it 9 211

By hitintheeye - 26/11/2011 15:09 - Canada

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 609

You deserved it 17 156

By TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 475

You deserved it 7 481

By Anonymous - 16/08/2015 15:49

Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 940

You deserved it 3 571

You what?

By whattheheck - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 618

You deserved it 3 567

Miscommunication

By Anonymous - 25/10/2012 05:45 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 709

You deserved it 18 568

Very funny, Dad

By Anonymous - 20/05/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 648

You deserved it 4 631

Careless Whisper

By ihatejasonderulo - 02/09/2014 15:32 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 671

You deserved it 9 966

Boomer humor

By Anonymous - 15/02/2014 23:14 - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, I proudly informed my grandma that I now have a girlfriend. My grandpa overheard and said how surprising that was, given how expensive blowup dolls are. He and my grandma then both laughed out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 339

You deserved it 6 330

O_0 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 11:24

If i where you at this point i would practice...give her an amazing ****** and then stop having sex with her.

Dr_Phil 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 18:44

Dude you need to dump her. I'm picking up a ****-vibe from her. She's going to eventually cheat on you.

Comments

protooler31 0

Wednesday 12 August 2009 21:32

haha! you better practice cause if you can't make her cum, she's gonna dump you for someone that can!

lover44 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 8:11

she wants the best pleasure and for you to' have it to'. but you cant really do it with a doll go get some live meat

SIMRRF 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 1:25

Hahaha! That's awesome. :)

bubbadubs 0

Thursday 18 March 2010 17:05

a blow up doll to do what?!?!

DanyelleH 2

Monday 12 April 2010 7:10

Ouch, that's a slap in the face. Haha

sassyjesSa 0

Thursday 29 April 2010 8:47

WTF haha that's hella stupid! poke a hole in it deflate it lol

little2103bit 0

Friday 30 April 2010 6:20

What a bitch....

sextacular 0

Tuesday 25 May 2010 0:37

lmao

gbaby2454 0

Thursday 17 June 2010 21:07

win

egging 0

Wednesday 23 June 2010 7:44

aw, how considerate!

Keywords

Break-ups Love Christmas Gross Miscellaneous Poopoo peepee Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Relatable Cars You're fired Work Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids Family DIY Cats Roommate Sex Am I overreacting? Intimacy Management

The Top

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 508

You deserved it 15 067

Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 144

You deserved it 7 104

The Top

Today, my supervisor gave me a grand introduction as I met the CEO for the first time. He introduced me as, "Employee number zero." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 633

You deserved it 811

Today, I was getting frisky with my girlfriend. It was going well until we had to put our clothes back on quickly because someone was coming upstairs. It was my sister, who opened the door and said, “It smells like salami in here! Can I have some?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 103

Today, I caught my girlfriend of a year texting her ex, asking if she was enough for him sexually. He responded in detail about all their sexual activities, but she says I’m overreacting and shouldn’t keep throwing it in her face. Am I wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 698

You deserved it 208

Today, while sleeping, my foot was stabbed by something in my bed and I woke up to it bleeding. I looked around for the cause and found nothing. Now I'm afraid to go to sleep because it might happen again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 929

You deserved it 2 778

Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey on my breast. To be fair I decided to give him a hickey on his chest. He was so worried about catching shit from the guys on his swim team that he dislocated my jaw trying to get me off him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 005

You deserved it 14 431

Today, it was my birthday and my first present was finding out that my girlfriend of five years has been cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 635

You deserved it 118