Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend kindly let me know that she didn't care...

By Anonymous - 27/04/2011 16:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend kindly let me know that she didn't care that I am 'below average' in the penis department because it will leave her nice and tight for her next boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 734

You deserved it 8 005

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 16:27 - Serbia

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 807

You deserved it 5 456

Unwarranted

By Ryan - 20/12/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 689

You deserved it 60 146

Backhanded

By wtf - 14/09/2011 18:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 072

You deserved it 4 506

By FML - 02/02/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 811

You deserved it 10 198

By Anonymous - 09/10/2012 08:38 - United States - Murrieta

Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 146

You deserved it 36 931

By grizzlybear - 27/06/2011 05:55 - Mexico

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I had a penis, our relationship would be better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 193

You deserved it 6 997

By FreshDonuts - 28/02/2015 05:03 - United States - Antioch

Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 334

You deserved it 6 277

"shortcomings"

By Anonymous - 24/02/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 927

You deserved it 643

Humblebrag

By Anonymous - 01/02/2023 06:00

Today, I learned that my insecurities regarding my dick size were unfounded, as my girlfriend gushed over my dick and said it was amazing. We then got down to business, and almost immediately heard, "Ow! Fuck, that's my cervix! This hurts! Stop!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 1 235

By Mike - 21/02/2009 22:24 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 963

You deserved it 7 658

EllieB123 5

Wednesday 27 April 2011 22:33

Wow, what a bitch! :/

mrahhhhh 21

Wednesday 27 April 2011 22:38

Tell her "I don't mind, I'm ******* 2 other girls."

Comments

ScuseMePrincess 2

Thursday 28 April 2011 1:32

Jam a frozen hot dog up there to loosen her up. That'll teach her a lesson.

ashleeyka 13

Thursday 28 April 2011 1:35

A hot dog would be small too.. o.O How would that make a difference??

boo_bee_fur_me 2

Thursday 28 April 2011 2:27

maybe a hot dog is bigger then him? haha

u_w8urtrn 2

Thursday 28 April 2011 3:37

5 frozen hotdogs*

ScuseMePrincess 2

Thursday 28 April 2011 6:19

Maybe I should have suggested a baseball bat...

numberswoman 14

Thursday 28 April 2011 1:32

Did you ask what makes her think she IS nice and tight?

Jelizondo 1

Thursday 28 April 2011 1:37

fist her then leave her.

hall1234 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 1:52

haha messed up

meganmagee 11

Thursday 28 April 2011 1:40

Men who say size doesn't matter have small dicks and are just trying to make themselves feel better. Sorry, fellas.

dfens 8

Thursday 28 April 2011 11:14

And shallow shit like that is why men are douchebags to women like you.

Nyx7 24

Monday 29 September 2014 14:07

Some women actually like it smaller you know, besides they've got a better chance of getting anal than someone with a monstrous ****

hall1234 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 1:50

lmfao

nicolangelo 5

Thursday 28 April 2011 2:17

wow. this is the most ****** fml ever

boo_bee_fur_me 2

Thursday 28 April 2011 2:18

next time your guys have sex stick your foot in there then ask her is that below average bitch!

remy3106 10

Thursday 28 April 2011 2:29

well atleast..... wait no...... look on the bright side...... uh ..... yea there's no helpin you have a small penis...

dfens 8

Thursday 28 April 2011 11:11

There isn't any helping that rag on your head either.

Recrem 1

Thursday 28 April 2011 2:33

... ... ...bahahahaha

fuel4insanity 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 2:42

hahahahahahahaha I'm dying

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I called back a number I'd recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend's fiancée's number. I've been with him four years, he's been with her for six. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 137

You deserved it 4 976

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 318

You deserved it 9 464

The Top

Today, I was with a group of friends at a bar, and we were all talking about whether we were moaners, screamers, or quiet during sex. My boyfriend said that he was a moaner, which I contradicted. Completely straightfaced, he said, "Well, I am when it's good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 529

You deserved it 24 774

Today, after moving in with a friend I've known for 9 years, I found out he's going to jail soon, and refuses to work or get a new job, making me unable to pay rent as he eats all my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 177

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 099

You deserved it 3 657

Today, my husband bought me a puppy. When my daughter got home I showed her the puppy, but all she said was, “Eww, I am not cleaning it or walking it.” She’ll make a fantastic mother one day, I’m sure of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 990

Today, after feeling lost and sad for a long time, in a last attempt to get some answers, I'd saved up and flew to see a very famous clairvoyant. For the whole session, all she talked about was how great and successful my brother is going to be. $250 down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 1 695

Today, my boyfriend refuses to do doggy style anymore because I, and I quote, "have a weird looking butthole, it’s not dirty or anything, it’s just the strangest butthole I’ve ever seen, it’s really distracting." So now, I’m not only self-conscious about my small boobs, but my ugly asshole too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 797

You deserved it 358