Love: Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said,...

By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 01:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 660

You deserved it 2 343

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

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Same thing different taste

Shark Week

By sharkboy - 11/06/2012 02:33 - United States - Honolulu

Today, while at the beach, as a joke, I told my girlfriend that I was a shark. She then poked my eyes and punched me in the nose. When I started to get mad, she just shrugged and asked, "What? You're the one that wanted to be a shark. Don't you watch Shark Week?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 911

You deserved it 31 278

By music man - 25/02/2012 00:50 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend of two years that I love her. She replied, "Um, I don't mean to be rude, but can you just shut up?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 130

You deserved it 3 856

Strange flex, but OK

By Jpah - 24/06/2009 00:08 - United States

Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 906

You deserved it 3 912

By fartz - 31/08/2013 06:04 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 520

You deserved it 8 107

By not even getting any of her shrimp - 11/02/2014 21:50 - United States - Draper

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 675

You deserved it 6 518

By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 18:09 - United States - Victorville

Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 145

You deserved it 44 641

Healthy relationship

By scared - 24/06/2020 23:02

Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 2 576

By noweddingforyou - 29/09/2013 19:21 - Canada - Guelph

Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 442

You deserved it 7 655

Truthbomb

By DuckMan - 07/10/2017 13:00

Today, I made my niece cry when I told her that snakes are just tails with faces. She won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 709

You deserved it 959

Jonah begs to differ

By JOTA - 07/10/2020 04:02 - New Zealand

Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 202

You deserved it 371

Cavebone 5

Tuesday 20 November 2012 8:08

I'd shut up next time.

MR_RODSQUAD 11

Tuesday 20 November 2012 8:15

Tell her that you know about the crabs.

Comments

ShioriTsumi 13

Tuesday 20 November 2012 20:30

Sea tur-oh. She likes Pirates of the Caribbean, doesn't she? It's a pretty simple quote. She probably thought she was being clever...I guess she couldn't know you didn't know the movies that well, huh?

sinner92 4

Tuesday 20 November 2012 21:19

Lol either she is hiding something and is paranoid about it or she is crazy.

ellytoad 13

Tuesday 20 November 2012 21:47

Apparently she was referencing Pirates of the Caribbean. I assure you that watching them wouldn't make any more sense out of her statement, though. It sounds like she was trying to be funny and clever, and failed.

doglover100 28

Tuesday 20 November 2012 22:13

She's crazy.

dan_in_wi 12

Tuesday 20 November 2012 22:46

huh... crazy hitches.

dan_in_wi 12

Tuesday 20 November 2012 22:48

huh... crazy Biatch

dabeast15 7

Wednesday 21 November 2012 1:20

my girlfriend does that all the time!

Ilikeburritos 4

Wednesday 21 November 2012 5:48

She's probably the one who bought that "magic box".

ivellios99 3

Tuesday 11 December 2012 9:16

Thank you, you just made this 12hr shift worth it! I can't stop laughing.

Derpylicious 3

Wednesday 21 November 2012 10:56

If it really bothers you let her know you have no idea what she is talking about and ask for an explanation. If she gets violent, defend yourself and leave her ass.