Sextoys, Toys and Miscellaneous: Toys R Us

Toys R Us

By J…… - 07/02/2009 21:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys… a big black rubber cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 237

You deserved it 6 976

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By Can't Unsee - 25/08/2018 22:00

Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 175

You deserved it 575

Ask first, snoop later

By Jenna Berreth - 07/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was trying to find my missing purple pen in the house I share with my boyfriend and his 57 year-old mother. I checked her room just in case, only to open a drawer and be greeted by a dildo. I’m never going to unsee that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 3 159

By bottomdrawerraider - 17/11/2010 17:13 - United States

Today, my mother was over visiting. My three year old ran out of my room chasing the cat with his toy. He smacked the cat with it, the cat scratched him, he dropped it and ran away. I was busy with the baby so I asked my mom to take the toy away. She walked back holding my pink dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 061

You deserved it 12 201

Online shopping

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 02:04 - Australia

Today, I was showing my mum how to use eBay. Unfortunately I didn't notice my recent purchase history was on display: a huge black dildo, a jockstrap, and a bong amongst them. Of course, she did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 1 492

By Anonymous - 07/05/2016 01:40 - United States - Walnut

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 286

You deserved it 2 451

Oh no.

By Anonymous - 07/01/2018 01:30

Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 379

You deserved it 1 666

By Lois - 09/02/2013 12:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 757

You deserved it 5 957

By Anonymous - 01/12/2014 17:55 - United States

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 731

You deserved it 15 209

By BrokenVow - 30/07/2009 12:02 - Canada

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart-to-heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 981

You deserved it 53 800

By Florida_1827 - 28/01/2011 10:54 - United States

Today, I received the 'special' present my mother had sent me for my 21st birthday. I opened the box and saw that my mother had picked out, accessorized and shipped to me, in college, a doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 866

You deserved it 4 527

xNephilim 18

Monday 27 September 2010 23:13

Sigh... This is just stupid. You're using slang yourself. The last time I checked, 'fucktard' was no real word.

meganl_fml 0

Monday 9 February 2009 2:53

ugh one time i was looking for a pic to upload of me and found one of my mom and her toys i was scared for a long time after that

Comments

carlyr 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 1:15

wow thats hilarious- no offense

greenman_fml 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 2:18

you should wear it as a helmet around the house and act like nothing is going on. that'll show her

spideyboy 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 4:22

HAHAHA, oh man that is hilarious, what did you do after you found it?

ryandanish 0

Thursday 23 June 2011 0:51

dont ask dont tell.

meganl_fml 0

Monday 9 February 2009 2:53

ugh one time i was looking for a pic to upload of me and found one of my mom and her toys i was scared for a long time after that

The_Dame 0

Monday 16 February 2009 2:00

HAHAHA #4. Classic.

09SoFine 0

Friday 20 February 2009 4:53

been there my friend....

basketballbabee 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:06

*****. haha.

cra_z_turtle 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:55

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! traumatizing.

greeneggsnsam 0

Monday 25 May 2009 5:23

"Today, my son found my playtime toy. He is walking around the house with a helmet on. I am worried. FML." agreed with 16, extremely traumatizing.

CEina 0

Monday 25 May 2009 22:47

EWWWW! LMAO sucks to be you.. :)

Keywords

TV shows Miscellaneous Work Awkward Coworkers Politics Transportation Ironic Embarrassing Relatable Social Media Instagram Parenting Shopping AITA Am I overreacting? Jealousy Love Kids Pranks Friends Dogs Housework Cars Porn Technology Sports Health Accident Mental health

The Top

Today, while on vacation with my siblings and the horde of nieces and nephews, me and hubby managed to sneak in a quickie. It was a quickie alright. For the first time in our marriage he blew his load after 2 strokes because he was afraid of being interrupted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 055

You deserved it 679

Today, I lost yet another girlfriend because my ex tells every girl I go out with that I cheated on her. She DMs them screenshots of what I did. I know I’m no saint, but all that was 6 months ago, and it was an accident. I can’t change the past, but I can be sorry for what I did. I just can’t win in this situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 1 069

The Top

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 714

You deserved it 3 659

Today, I weighed myself for the first time in a while and confirmed that I have put on a few pounds. I was feeling a bit down about it. I went to work and on arriving a workmate I hadn't seen in a while gave me a hug. She said, "I love hugging you, you're so nice and squishy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 678

You deserved it 7 846

Today, my only friend got banned from my house, all because she kissed her boyfriend in front of me. I'm 16, but apparently I can't handle seeing a kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 217

You deserved it 1 602

Today, I have a severe infection. The last doctor I saw was in the ER and he gave me antibiotics ineffective against what I have, and sent me home. The doctor before that gave me a dose of antibiotics you’d give a toddler, so they didn’t work either. It has spread to my kidneys and I should’ve been admitted to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 109

Today, I was told by a doctor that I have a fatal disease, and that I should start making preparations for when I pass away. Then, another doctor showed up, panicking, and said that was meant for someone else with the same first name as me. The mini-heart attack I had at that moment almost killed me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 90

Today, I learned that the burning sensation I get on my balls isn't from when my girlfriend poured hot sauce on my balls as a prank, it's actually gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 490

You deserved it 1 969