Love: Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML - FML

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 117

You deserved it 10 956

St. Patrick's Day: Shamrocks and Tribulations
Green anecdotes of jealousy, full of shamrocks and pints, for a memorable St. Patrick's Day! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Tickdick - 24/03/2017 21:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 324

You deserved it 559

By stopinthenameoflove - 19/06/2014 14:37 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 094

You deserved it 15 460

By why - 05/04/2011 15:25 - United States

Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 743

You deserved it 6 608

By Pita - 04/12/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 378

You deserved it 6 580

By Anonymous - 26/09/2015 12:08 - United States

Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 946

You deserved it 3 989

By Noname - 16/01/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 645

You deserved it 6 671

"shortcomings"

By Anonymous - 24/02/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 934

You deserved it 644

The Conquest of Bread

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 11:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 265

By nick - 06/03/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 448

You deserved it 3 817

By loserllamalick - 07/10/2013 14:32 - United States - Rochester

Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 724

You deserved it 39 687

Next

Top comments

spidergirl41 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 22:48

Does she like carrots? Also, don't forget the ranch!!! xD

Dmaster22 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 22:47

your penis is orange? JK FYL

Comments

bobby222 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:14

YDI for having a rabbit for a girlfriend.

waterynuggets 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:16

Lmao

the_deuce 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:26

LMAO funnyyyy

pinksprankles 2

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:23

Lmao....Extenze?? Haha Tell her that you didn't know she liked eating carrots so much :P

Lucky_strike_fml 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:25

OMG! :D:D:D:D

SaintJimmy 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:32

Much worse than "Lil' Buddy". Scrubs fans, anyone?

some_random_dude 0

Monday 17 August 2009 1:02

scrubs high-five (the todd reference)

Raheemdplayer 7

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:33

Doesn't this mean your carrot 'juice' is gonna make ginger kids? FYL

Fadakar 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:34

Wow, LITTLE Baby Carrot, as if baby wasn't enough. I'm so sorry.

BioProject 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:50

#23, wrong FML? lol

airplanefood 0

Monday 17 August 2009 3:40

Nope, #23 was just saying that people should be able to take a joke and not get hurt, and that the joke proves how comfortable they are with each other. It's interesting how similar this FML and the next one is - he gets offended by a small penis joke, and she gets offended by a fat joke.

lonelyboy23 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:53

This happened on an episode of Rescue Me a couple of weeks ago...

helpmeiamblind 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:56

Well, if she's still happy to play with it then whats the problem? And if it's any consolation, my girlfriend nicknamed mine "Mongo"

urmomsass 0

Monday 17 August 2009 0:09

I thought his name was squirtle?

Night22_fml 4

Monday 17 August 2009 6:22

Apparantly he evolved.

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The Top

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was in the middle of an intense orgasm when we heard the panicky voice of his little sister saying there was an emergency downstairs. He jumped up and left to see what the matter was. The big emergency? The Wii remotes had dead batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 216

You deserved it 9 456

Today, after boiling eggs my whole life, I wanted to try a packaged hard-boiled egg for the first time. I'd never had a cold egg before, so I thought it would be a good idea to warm it up. Now, I'm cleaning out a billion pieces of egg shrapnel in the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 472

You deserved it 9 839

The Top

Today, I don't know what's worse, the fact that my hair sheds so much, or the fact that I find most of it in my butt crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 248

You deserved it 430

Today, I'm in pretty good physical shape. No, wait, that was two years ago. Now I need to take a break after brushing each quadrant of my teeth because my arm gets tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 674

Today, my boyfriend told me I can stop using makeup, because it's "not working." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 784

You deserved it 194

Today, it took me four tries to find the right position to swipe my debit card. My mom screamed "Oh, for God's sake, why don't you ever get it right the FIRST time?" She then apologized to the cashier for having "such a stupid child". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 090

You deserved it 929

Today, while joking and chatting with a coworker on my way to the bathroom, I misjudged the distance to the entrance and slammed my head into the wall. My coworker told everyone. So now I'm funny, but not for the reason I wanted to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 290

You deserved it 371

Today, I had a dream that I was playing fetch with my dog. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to the sound of my phone smashing against the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 826

You deserved it 4 771