Love: Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML - FML

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 117

You deserved it 10 956

Women's Day: Equality and Laughter
Stories that celebrate women in a light-hearted and humorous way, because equality can also be a source of joy! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Tickdick - 24/03/2017 21:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 324

You deserved it 561

By stopinthenameoflove - 19/06/2014 14:37 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 094

You deserved it 15 460

By why - 05/04/2011 15:25 - United States

Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 743

You deserved it 6 608

By Pita - 04/12/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 379

You deserved it 6 582

By Anonymous - 26/09/2015 12:08 - United States

Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 946

You deserved it 3 989

By Noname - 16/01/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 648

You deserved it 6 674

"shortcomings"

By Anonymous - 24/02/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 936

You deserved it 645

The Conquest of Bread

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 11:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 266

By nick - 06/03/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 449

You deserved it 3 817

By loserllamalick - 07/10/2013 14:32 - United States - Rochester

Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 724

You deserved it 39 687

Next

Top comments

spidergirl41 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 22:48

Does she like carrots? Also, don't forget the ranch!!! xD

Dmaster22 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 22:47

your penis is orange? JK FYL

Comments

bobby222 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:14

YDI for having a rabbit for a girlfriend.

waterynuggets 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:16

Lmao

the_deuce 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:26

LMAO funnyyyy

pinksprankles 2

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:23

Lmao....Extenze?? Haha Tell her that you didn't know she liked eating carrots so much :P

Lucky_strike_fml 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:25

OMG! :D:D:D:D

SaintJimmy 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:32

Much worse than "Lil' Buddy". Scrubs fans, anyone?

some_random_dude 0

Monday 17 August 2009 1:02

scrubs high-five (the todd reference)

Raheemdplayer 7

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:33

Doesn't this mean your carrot 'juice' is gonna make ginger kids? FYL

Fadakar 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:34

Wow, LITTLE Baby Carrot, as if baby wasn't enough. I'm so sorry.

BioProject 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:50

#23, wrong FML? lol

airplanefood 0

Monday 17 August 2009 3:40

Nope, #23 was just saying that people should be able to take a joke and not get hurt, and that the joke proves how comfortable they are with each other. It's interesting how similar this FML and the next one is - he gets offended by a small penis joke, and she gets offended by a fat joke.

lonelyboy23 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:53

This happened on an episode of Rescue Me a couple of weeks ago...

helpmeiamblind 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:56

Well, if she's still happy to play with it then whats the problem? And if it's any consolation, my girlfriend nicknamed mine "Mongo"

urmomsass 0

Monday 17 August 2009 0:09

I thought his name was squirtle?

Night22_fml 4

Monday 17 August 2009 6:22

Apparantly he evolved.

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The Top

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 68

Today, I thought I'd make my own coffee at home to save money. As I was grinding the beans, my flatmate's pet parrot decided to join the party and imitate the noise of the coffee grinder. For an hour. I ended up with a headache, a half-finished cup of coffee, and a parrot that now thinks it's a barista. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 159

The Top

Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 082

You deserved it 50 528

Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to a man who took out all the peanuts from a packet, counted them one by one, then sorted them into piles of five. This went on for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 113

Today, I saw the girl my ex cheated on me with had her baby. I wrote a comment on her photo about how the baby was a product of her affair with my ex. She disabled her comments and I kept getting DM’s about how I should, "stop being so negative." Apparently infidelity is not frowned upon these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 1 784

Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 856

You deserved it 267

Today, I lovingly simmered a chicken carcass, vegetables and spices to make soup. Two hours it took. After all that, I mindlessly strained out the chicken bones and let the soup pour straight down the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 115

You deserved it 592

Today, my boyfriend told me he took pictures of me while I was sleeping. Instead of it being all cute like you see on social media, there's me sleeping with his dirty-ass sock on my face and him smiling in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 206

You deserved it 2 268