Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while...

By Anonymous - 21/02/2012 19:17 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 840

You deserved it 6 394

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Same thing different taste

No good

By :(( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 442

You deserved it 8 033

By illequipt - 16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 569

You deserved it 32 066

By Anonymous - 16/08/2015 15:49

Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 940

You deserved it 3 571

By Photagrapher - 18/08/2010 04:09 - France

Today, my girlfriend asked for a picture of my penis, so I sent her one. Then later on, she asked for one when I was hard, the first one I sent I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 615

You deserved it 17 783

What kind of sex are you having?

By Anonymous - 30/12/2022 00:00

Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 457

By stun_zeed - 17/01/2017 10:00

Today, my girlfriend called my flaccid penis her "little squishy" in a voice like Dory, and became upset when I got aroused because little squishy was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 148

You deserved it 1 277

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 466

You deserved it 9 862

Bazinga

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 692

You deserved it 17 084

By HotACE - 22/04/2011 05:08

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn't get any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 973

You deserved it 22 733

Newbie

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 617

You deserved it 7 746

GrooveTurtle 0

Wednesday 22 February 2012 0:17

... -face palm-

zombicidal 11

Wednesday 22 February 2012 0:19

flaccid sex? the ****?

Comments

OptimusKali 0

Wednesday 22 February 2012 5:45

Soft penises are no fun...

jlstough 10

Wednesday 22 February 2012 5:53

i feel like it should be "peni"... and they are if you dont intend to have sex. i love playing with my husband on soft :-P

QfiggyQ 10

Wednesday 22 February 2012 6:01

Just tell her, lots of foreplay and she'll be good to go!

CaptainNap124 8

Wednesday 22 February 2012 6:03

Doesn't she know it doesn't work like that?? You better find a girl that can take it... Or just put it in her and tell her to be a woman! Or else your gonna have a sad sex life :/

Sparrow04 1

Wednesday 22 February 2012 6:05

There's no way you can get it in on a regular girl that's had sex no less a virgin while flaccid . Warm her up with your fingers or mouth then take it slow for a bit, she'll be fine--- tried and proven method

cmb8280 24

Wednesday 22 February 2012 6:07

Your gf's an idiot

Hasina01 5

Wednesday 22 February 2012 6:12

Hahahahah !

blazinjsin 5

Wednesday 22 February 2012 6:16

your gf is an idiot. and so are you for going along

somanywords 0

Wednesday 22 February 2012 6:20

Why would you use a tampon if you're having sex?

Kanon1104 0

Sunday 26 February 2012 8:10

Some people during their first time, bleed. So they may have a tampon on or nearby to catch blood if any.

Cinn_fml 22

Sunday 26 February 2012 23:57

Nearby maybe, definitely not in though.

kirsten249 1

Wednesday 22 February 2012 6:23

I was scared my first time too but then he got me really turned on and wanting it so bad that I was almost begging him to put it in. It hurt at first but then it turned in to good pain and I loved it so so much!!! She will be begging u to put it in hard of u get her turned on enough. Either that or she don't wanna have sex with you lol.