Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while...

By Anonymous - 21/02/2012 19:17 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 840

You deserved it 6 394

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

No good

By :(( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 442

You deserved it 8 033

By illequipt - 16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 569

You deserved it 32 066

By Anonymous - 16/08/2015 15:49

Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 940

You deserved it 3 571

By Photagrapher - 18/08/2010 04:09 - France

Today, my girlfriend asked for a picture of my penis, so I sent her one. Then later on, she asked for one when I was hard, the first one I sent I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 615

You deserved it 17 783

What kind of sex are you having?

By Anonymous - 30/12/2022 00:00

Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 457

By stun_zeed - 17/01/2017 10:00

Today, my girlfriend called my flaccid penis her "little squishy" in a voice like Dory, and became upset when I got aroused because little squishy was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 148

You deserved it 1 277

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 466

You deserved it 9 862

Bazinga

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 692

You deserved it 17 084

By HotACE - 22/04/2011 05:08

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn't get any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 973

You deserved it 22 733

Newbie

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 617

You deserved it 7 746

GrooveTurtle 0

Wednesday 22 February 2012 0:17

... -face palm-

zombicidal 11

Wednesday 22 February 2012 0:19

flaccid sex? the ****?

Comments

Ohmybuuda 3

Thursday 8 March 2012 5:07

If you think you need help with your sex life contact me.

abwz79 3

Friday 9 March 2012 23:28

XD dude...

NeuroticDesire 2

Monday 12 March 2012 1:17

I don't think I need to add that this is a physically impossible act... but it's hard to not say that you're girlfriend's a freaking tool.

chazbom 3

Tuesday 13 March 2012 11:52

Not possible

C0N71NG3NCY 6

Tuesday 13 March 2012 19:10

You can't have sex with a flaccid penis, it's impossible. Plus, the actual breakage of a girl's hymen really isn't all that painful, it's mostly the anticipation of pain that does it. Your GF is just a dumb, frightened bitch, is all!