Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her...

By beerpong26 - 06/02/2009 19:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she is still laughing and I have ice on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 591

You deserved it 6 885

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Same thing different taste

Timing

By Anonymous - 18/03/2017 07:00 - United States - Westerville

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 614

You deserved it 1 192

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 287

You deserved it 29 243

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 162

You deserved it 5 569

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 19:44 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 836

You deserved it 6 346

Hot revenge

By Anonymous - 30/05/2022 00:01

Today, halfway through a blowjob, my girlfriend bit my penis because she suddenly decided that she was still annoyed at me for an argument we had last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 350

You deserved it 334

By Electro - 11/02/2016 21:51 - United States - Nashua

Today, I found out how painful it is to static shock the tip of your dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 220

You deserved it 7 282

Right in the pecker

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 23:01

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 480

By hitintheeye - 26/11/2011 15:09 - Canada

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 609

You deserved it 17 156

What kind of sex are you having?

By Anonymous - 30/12/2022 00:00

Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 457

Hidden

By bootyislife - 16/06/2015 20:01 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 679

You deserved it 7 399

WhatThePhuc 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 5:56

how electrifying

Bluelake3 0

Monday 23 February 2009 9:14

now THATS passionate.

Comments

stinkybutt 0

Saturday 2 May 2009 16:27

hahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahaha HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA THATS AMAZING.

Gabe__the__babe 0

Monday 4 May 2009 21:38

oh damn! sorry bro, that must of been awful!

Bandit2011 0

Monday 11 May 2009 13:45

Sorry, but hilarious. XD

Mrnub 0

Friday 5 June 2009 0:39

Lol that's hilarious!

KevinB_fml 0

Monday 15 June 2009 2:31

lmao @ 19. I wanna say FYL but... it's just too funny.

xSusannah 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 11:50

omg im sorry that must have hurt but if she walk around doing that on purpose ... epic! haha that made me lol!

zaq857 0

Monday 9 November 2009 22:11

ohhhh dude that must hurt like hell

loveyahun 0

Friday 20 November 2009 0:17

Omgeez

luviegurl 0

Friday 5 February 2010 4:51

haha that blows

nyxierae 1

Saturday 31 March 2012 6:30

I see what you did there

PattisonDaStud 0

Saturday 6 February 2010 1:47

u shouldn't have been alive then dumba**

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was grocery shopping when a little kid pointed at me and yelled, "Mommy, look! It's the man from the cereal box!" I don’t know whether to feel flattered or insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 85

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 784

You deserved it 22 713

The Top

Today, I finished a 2 hour Skype call with my girlfriend, only to realize I was using mobile data. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 599

You deserved it 7 846

Today, I lost 1200 dollars, my fiancée, my dog, my apartment, and my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 321

Today, while on holiday in England, a cute boy came up and asked where I'm from. When I said Paris, he gave a look and said, "Oh, strange, I always thought Parisians were the most beautiful women in the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 370

You deserved it 4 556

Today, despite being on the pill and always using condoms, I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend I want to keep it, hoping he wanted to keep it too. He told me he hopes I enjoy being a single parent, because he absolutely does not want it, but knows I’ll never get an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 643

You deserved it 612

Today, due to sleep deprivation, I wasn't paying attention to where the elevator stopped. I walked into a flat, thinking it was mine. It wasn't. It was the flat just beneath mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 486

Today, my son-in-law's parents were saying it was a shame our kids were so busy working that they have to babysit all day, four days a week. Me and my wife babysit three days a week, which is when we realised our kids have basically tricked us four grandparents into raising their baby all week, including weekends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 248