Kids: Today, my husband, who is in the Navy, had a couple of his sailor...

By oliveoyl - 23/07/2011 04:05 - United States

Today, my husband, who is in the Navy, had a couple of his sailor friends over to hang out. The stereotype about their swearing is true. My two year old now won't stop saying "Fuck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 680

You deserved it 5 271

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Same thing different taste

By CiaoBella - 20/06/2016 03:16

Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 519

You deserved it 2 764

You ******* idiot

By Handuh15 - 31/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was babysitting with my best friend, watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 3 256

By Noname - 04/12/2008 04:39 - France

Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 083

You deserved it 9 224

By njh - 27/03/2015 13:29 - Ireland

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 340

You deserved it 3 611

By mandybar15 - 14/12/2012 23:52 - United States - Norman

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 274

You deserved it 6 689

Bad boys, bad boys, what ya gonna do?

By Joel Lee Burgess - 15/02/2021 22:59 - United States

Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 365

Language!

By angkal2002 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my five year-old sister won't stop saying, "Shit buckle fuckle ton." My boyfriend's excuse was that he was teaching her how to rhyme. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 565

You deserved it 3 438

By Kelly - 02/10/2011 04:53 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a young boy. I accidentally let a few words slip when I dropped something. He won't stop dropping the F bomb and his mother is coming to get him in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 200

You deserved it 38 232

By Anonymous - 18/04/2014 22:35 - Canada - Concord

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 379

You deserved it 4 861

By numbnuts - 23/09/2013 05:48 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 497

You deserved it 6 062

Youtube00 5

Saturday 23 July 2011 11:57

mommy, where the **** is my milk?

IAm1AwesomeChick 7

Saturday 23 July 2011 11:55

Did you tell them to stop swearing in front of your kid? why wouldn't you take your kid in a different room?

Comments

schubacca 0

Saturday 23 July 2011 19:49

try hanging around marines

malibu26 1

Sunday 24 July 2011 9:46

so true, they are way worse.

pongdadong 6

Saturday 23 July 2011 20:27

all branches of the military are like that. when I was in the army it was the same. =)

jrkardamis 0

Saturday 23 July 2011 21:08

why the **** are they ******* cussing in the first place. ****. shit

Pazu_fml 10

Saturday 23 July 2011 21:22

Chances are that he (or she) will drop the habit if you ignore him when he says it. Kids love swearing because it gets a big reaction out of adults.

earballs 0

Saturday 23 July 2011 21:23

is the gay thing about sailors also true? just wondering.

Quagmire_ladies 9

Saturday 23 July 2011 22:06

Well...at least we now know your kids career will be. haha

Prankster7o7 5

Saturday 23 July 2011 23:44

Hooyah!

perdix 29

Saturday 23 July 2011 23:55

I like the Popeye reference. Now the whole "blow me down" thing takes on a new meaning ;)

bubo_fml 10

Sunday 24 July 2011 0:53

The Navy...600 men go out to sea, 300 couples return home!!

gunman15 4

Sunday 24 July 2011 1:23

talking like a true sailor isn't that what a mom wants

Keywords

Animals Cats Gross Health Relatable Poopoo peepee Parents Creepy Kids Scary Mental health Miscellaneous Cold weather Embarrassing Love Tinder Dating Cute Work Transportation Cops Awkward Crush Sports Teachers Education AITA Weddings Public freakouts Mother in law

The Top

Today, my now-ex boyfriend treated our waitress like shit. She was a young lady who just came from Venezuela and barely spoke English. He gave her no tip, ranted about “fixing this goddamn border problem” along with xenophobic slurs. Apparently, he’d forgotten I’m an immigrant too, from Colombia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 353

You deserved it 152

Today, my mom told me that I wasn't allowed rights until I was eighteen, or until I took on some duties. The rights include having or expressing ideals that don't match up with hers. She doesn't know what duties I should have. My options are to either take on nonexistent duties, or keep my mouth shut for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 204

The Top

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was, "God forbid a maxed-out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 710

You deserved it 21 069

Today, my dad said that if I walked home from school, a distance of 8 miles, he would give me $50. Two hours and four massive blisters later, I come home. When I asked for my money, he said "I was kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 528

You deserved it 14 208

Today, my English teacher used the word "interpretate" again. This isn't the only mistake she's made though; I've been so frustrated that I've started a list of them. It's over a page long. I'm meant to be learning things from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 996

You deserved it 4 146

Today, I discovered that when my parents offered to help me pay for college, what they really meant is they would get the forms for me to apply for student loans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 599

You deserved it 4 788

Today, I got a taxi home from work. Only having notes in my wallet, I told the taxi driver that I'd run inside my house and come back out with the change for the journey. He agreed, but only if I left my bag as collateral. It seemed fair. An hour later, I realized my wallet was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 357

You deserved it 48 330

Today, my roommate walked in on me going down on my girlfriend in our shared living area. She was embarrassed for about 20 seconds, then pushed my head back down and told me to keep going until he comes back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 1 798

Same thing different taste

You ******* idiot

Bad boys, bad boys, what ya gonna do?

Language!

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