Parents and Intimacy: Today, my parents think that I don't understand all the sexual...

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By wittlegirl - 13/07/2011 18:16 - United States

Today, my parents think that I don't understand all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table, "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 380

You deserved it 4 008

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Same thing different taste

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 227

You deserved it 4 190

Explain that one

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 02:03

Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 222

By confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 404

You deserved it 5 045

Reading skills

By yudencow - 18/09/2019 18:00

Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 238

You deserved it 181

Thanks mom

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 113

Damn, son

By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 20:24 - United States - Lufkin

Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 338

You deserved it 4 187

By ewmomew - 12/09/2010 04:07 - Canada

Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 709

You deserved it 9 386

Not now!

By XxDiabolikalXx - 24/08/2010 07:30 - France

Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 834

You deserved it 4 332

Degrading

By Failure2017 - 04/11/2017 19:30 - United States

Today, my husband referred to me as his “favorite meat sock” in front of our son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 473

You deserved it 486

Leave me alone

By Anonymous - 04/06/2022 12:00

Today, my parents yet again spent over ten minutes discussing and joking about something minor about me, in this case my preference for Pepper Jack cheese over American. They've done this my whole life, and refuse to understand why I suffer from such crippling self-consciousness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 179

SexyBeast145 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:12

dude that's so gross hahaha

tnlander 20

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:15

Try the shock reply. "Dad no one at this table wants to eat your ****. Now can I please finish my dinner?" That will shut him up.

Comments

Wheredidgrungego 12

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:40

My grandparents do that. I have awful nightmares.

ilovemyjohnnyboy 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 2:35

ewww! my dad does it... but grandparents?!?I would throw up right then and there! blaaah!

ballerinaaub 17

Thursday 14 July 2011 2:57

Agreed!

dayellethescene 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 8:54

Mine do too! it's so gross!

Blackhandles 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:40

I SAID A BEEF HOT LINK!!

ED35 7

Thursday 14 July 2011 6:28

When I say hill-shire you say farm. Hill-shire

Dodie__fml 2

Thursday 14 July 2011 6:30

........farm

mrredkneck 2

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:41

thats terrible at the dinner table nasty

dayrin7 4

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:44

ohhh god. ! lmfaoooo!!!

hellojuicyhello 5

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:45

lol. haha that's something my uncle would say.

jshicksSN 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:47

bahaha. I would die if I ever that and hve heard suttle ones, but shit! haha. appreciate your parents love for each other... it's hilarious.

Playful1985 9

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:48

ew, inappropriate

vi3tno_romeo 5

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:48

that's ****** up having to hear that from one of ur parents....(while in the middle of dinner aswell!!)

datsamegui 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:48

how would he know what his sausage tasted like...gross

MerrikBarbarian 9

Thursday 14 July 2011 1:17

apparently you gave never heard of auto-fellatio or snowballing. ;)

pepsilove_fml 4

Thursday 14 July 2011 2:59

^^ ewww -___-

KiddNYC1O 20

Thursday 14 July 2011 3:35

Or Marilyn Manson

j_cat187 19

Thursday 14 July 2011 7:13

he must have removed a rib

SweetInk 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:48

put your sausage in your mouth

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I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 2 811

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut for cheating on him since we never had sex. I attempted to explain the birth control was for a condition I have that causes my period to be non-existent. He didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 375

You deserved it 7 351

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 171

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I agree, your life sucks 16 117

You deserved it 6 173

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I agree, your life sucks 1 196

You deserved it 146

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I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 163

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I agree, your life sucks 26 045

You deserved it 54 366

Today, some guy punched me square in the face for bullying him through high school. I had no idea who he was, and he was angrily yelling for what I once did to him in teacher X's class. I never had teacher X. Then he realised we didn’t even go to the same school. Mistaken identity = my busted nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 104

Same thing different taste

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