Parents and Intimacy: Today, my parents think that I don't understand all the sexual...

FML for mobile
Free

By wittlegirl - 13/07/2011 18:16 - United States

Today, my parents think that I don't understand all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table, "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 378

You deserved it 4 008

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 224

You deserved it 4 190

Explain that one

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 02:03

Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 222

By confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 403

You deserved it 5 045

Reading skills

By yudencow - 18/09/2019 18:00

Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 179

Thanks mom

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 112

Damn, son

By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 20:24 - United States - Lufkin

Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 333

You deserved it 4 186

By ewmomew - 12/09/2010 04:07 - Canada

Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 707

You deserved it 9 386

Not now!

By XxDiabolikalXx - 24/08/2010 07:30 - France

Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 833

You deserved it 4 332

Degrading

By Failure2017 - 04/11/2017 19:30 - United States

Today, my husband referred to me as his “favorite meat sock” in front of our son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 472

You deserved it 485

Leave me alone

By Anonymous - 04/06/2022 12:00

Today, my parents yet again spent over ten minutes discussing and joking about something minor about me, in this case my preference for Pepper Jack cheese over American. They've done this my whole life, and refuse to understand why I suffer from such crippling self-consciousness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 179

SexyBeast145 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:12

dude that's so gross hahaha

tnlander 20

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:15

Try the shock reply. "Dad no one at this table wants to eat your ****. Now can I please finish my dinner?" That will shut him up.

Comments

AmyLikesRice 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 2:13

ew, that's crusty as ever o_o

KristinaKreme 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 2:22

I'm having the same problem! Anyone know how I can fix that?

KristinaKreme 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 2:22

I'm having the same problem! Anyone know how I can fix that?

Bangcrashpow 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 2:25

I'm so sorry lmao move out

jealouswaugh2424 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 2:27

eww I would start talking like that around them XD

jealouswaugh2424 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 2:32

Kartor 6

Thursday 14 July 2011 2:36

I'll trade you.

Arilia 6

Thursday 14 July 2011 2:40

Same Here -.-

ThisRandomChild 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 2:40

Roflmfao!

heartsjuicy 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 2:49

that is verry disturbing! i wud of gone straight to my room with out saying a word!

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Love Awkward Embarrassing Exhausted Work Job interview Animals Scary Cats Argument Romantic Miscellaneous Family Annoying Gross Weird Food Shopping Clothes Technology Games Party Intimacy Sex Disney Kids Cute Empathy Bullying Ironic

The Top

Today, my boyfriend looked at me and suggestively told me to take a shower. He's leaving for two days so I humored him, thinking he wanted to do it in the shower. I waited for 20 minutes before he knocked on the door, telling me he needed to shower as well. He just wanted me to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 736

You deserved it 29 732

Today, my girlfriend told me she got a hefty bonus at work and will pay off my credit card debt. I was gonna break up with her because I’d been working on resolving things with my ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 829

The Top

Today, at a philanthropic event in some old money rich family's garden, I told my daughter she'd have to improve her table manners if she wanted to marry a nice man like that. I looked up and our host was standing right there, looking sternly in our direction. I smiled but he didn't smile back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 1 035

Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 072

You deserved it 2 907

Today, an elderly gentleman walked into the UPS Store where I work asking to use the laminating machine. I explained to him that we keep it behind the counter and I would do it for him, when he produced several graphic photos of him having sex with nasty looking women to be laminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 317

You deserved it 4 432

Today, my online order arrived earlier than I expected. I opened it to find some kind of anal sex toy. Whoever this is for is going to be disappointed when they get my 3DS game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 782

You deserved it 3 052

Today, my long-term partner and I decided we still love each other and want to try to salvage our relationship. Also today, a long-lost crush reconnected with me out of nowhere. The chemistry between us is insane and I can't stop thinking about him. Maybe it's a sign? FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 1 289

Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 355

You deserved it 2 544

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Comments