Miscellaneous: Today, my parents wouldn't let me go to the fair because they...

By vsf - 02/08/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, my parents wouldn't let me go to the fair because they reckon my IQ is so low, I could quite possibly choke on cotton candy and pass out confused by the hall of mirrors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 052

You deserved it 6 608

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Same thing different taste

Queasy

By Anonymous - 24/02/2023 18:00

Today, I tried being the 'cool parent' by taking my kids to a fancy, expensive amusement park, but ended up getting stuck on every ride and getting motion sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 338

By Anonymous - 01/09/2014 02:18 - United States - Bronx

Today, while eating cotton candy, a drunk person came up to me and said "HEY! COTTON CANDY!" And bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 946

You deserved it 3 250

Freakout

By SheaLili - 07/08/2011 17:14 - United States

Today, I took my kids to the circus. We were having fun, right up until the point they saw an old man dressed as a clown, at which point they screamed, grabbed onto my shorts, and managed to accidentally pull them down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 491

You deserved it 3 421

Family time

By skinny - 01/11/2023 00:02

Today, my parents decided to go on a diet. This would be perfectly fine if they didn’t insist I go on one too. I weigh less than 90 pounds and am underweight for my height. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 52

By sickbaby - 11/06/2011 13:06 - Singapore

Today, my parents grounded me and took away my phone, iPod and door. That's right, my door. They think that because I was stumbling and couldn't walk straight last night, I must have been out drinking. They know I suffer from chronic vertigo, but don't believe I was having an attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 398

You deserved it 3 238

Alexa, play "Schizophrenia" by Sonic Youth

By But is killing them really that bad? - 14/05/2023 03:00 - United States - Carson City

Today, my parents have gone from expecting nearly-impossible things to being convinced I can't do basic tasks. Apparently if you're not schizophrenic you can do things that are ridiculous, and if you're schizophrenic you can't do anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 141

By Anonymous - 05/01/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, I overheard my parents discussing whether or not they could trust me being alone in the house for 2 days. They then came to the decision that I'm too unpopular and unattractive to ever throw a wild party or get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 670

You deserved it 3 273

By crazymirrors - 28/07/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that we should go to the carnival in the Bizarre House place where there were a lot of crazy mirrors. I checked myself out in one of the mirrors. Then my boyfriend says "That will probably be the only time you will ever look that skinny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 932

You deserved it 6 291

By Anonymous - 04/07/2014 22:02 - United Kingdom - Sherborne

Today, my 11-year-old son and I took an IQ test for a laugh. To be honest, I've often suspected that I may have some form of mental retardation, but I didn't expect to get a score of 79, while he got one of 114. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 576

You deserved it 7 540

Freaked out

By Cliffhanger - 10/05/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family and we all decided to ride the tallest rollercoaster. As soon as the ride got going, I realized I'd made a huge mistake and was too terrified to open my eyes. I spent the entire ride screaming, with my hands over my eyes, and afterwards my cousin called me a wuss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 725

mandywaffles 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 8:57

I thought cotton candy melted in your mouth...

Gamakichi 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 8:57

Well if you were able to post this, and use standard proper English; you'd probably, at the least, be allowed entry.

Comments

general58 2

Wednesday 3 August 2011 3:50

well you did use the word "reckon"......

Jebus123 0

Wednesday 3 August 2011 4:27

Haha, your parents are overprotective, tell them to slap on a smile, grab a coke and STFU.

obnoxious3_3_3 1

Wednesday 3 August 2011 4:43

u reckon? i reckon they right

softballchick8 0

Wednesday 3 August 2011 5:44

well obviously they wouldn't know what smart is if they thought you'd choke on Cotten freakin candy

evilteddybear 0

Wednesday 3 August 2011 6:33

i think they're the ones u shud be worried about choking on cotton candy or passing out in the hall of mirrors...fyl

NextBigThing5044 0

Wednesday 3 August 2011 7:32

I think it's your parents who have the low IQ. How can you possibly choke on cotton candy? The easiest candy to digest?

iTransform 8

Wednesday 3 August 2011 7:38

I imagined this and laughed like shit.

ArmenianPrincess 5

Wednesday 3 August 2011 11:34

This is the stupidest FML I've ever read in my entire life. Just wanted to share that with you.

martin408 0

Wednesday 3 August 2011 13:03

I wouldn't blame them you said "reckon"

jren207 24

Wednesday 3 August 2011 20:07

Just watch out for the bearded lady.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex-boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 536

You deserved it 65 008

Today, my girlfriend went on a date with her mechanic. She said it was to get discounts when she goes in for maintenance. Not only does she not see a problem with it, but she's probably getting discounts on other services too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 740

You deserved it 5 265

The Top

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 332

You deserved it 3 824

Today, I was filling out an application for a job at a local pet store. At the end of it, they wanted a paragraph about any pets I had. After a while, I found myself finishing a 3-page essay about them. That's the longest essay I've ever written. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 531

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. When I got home from work, I came home to glitter. EVERYWHERE. Guess who forgot to get the key to his apartment back from his ex-girlfriend. The guy who's having his family over for dinner tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 476

You deserved it 13 090

Today, I noticed that my clothes had shrunk. My mother seemed to be having trouble with the new washer and dryer so I tried to show her exactly how they work. After my explanation she said, "I know how they work. I shrank your clothes to give you some incentive to lose all that belly you got." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 895

You deserved it 7 672

Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 569

Today, I found out my brother and his girlfriend stole my wedding ring, my checkbook and my disabled son's iPad to fuel their drug habit. I'm $600 overdrawn and have no food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 427

You deserved it 118