By cjw - 06/03/2013 00:07 - United States

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks 46 590
You deserved it 4 322
Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…
Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Next

Top comments

SApprentice 34

Buy a can of spray paint and spray over it. It'll look like hell, but you're going to have to get it fixed anyway, and I doubt you'll be able to make it very far with it the way it is. Oh, and go to the cops if you can. Paint jobs are expensive, and you don't need to deal with that kind of crap.

368 5
Subtext 10

Just spray paint her address and contact information under the "Free Candy" :)

288 2

Comments

CareFace 16

That's not well played... That's punching under the belt!!

50 10
row74 7

Nice I don't know why this is getting disliked

16 41
TeamKelly 10

Troll ex-girlfriend strikes again!

13 3
SApprentice 34

Buy a can of spray paint and spray over it. It'll look like hell, but you're going to have to get it fixed anyway, and I doubt you'll be able to make it very far with it the way it is. Oh, and go to the cops if you can. Paint jobs are expensive, and you don't need to deal with that kind of crap.

368 5
SApprentice 34

Also, take photos. Lots and lots of photos as evidence. I forgot to add that. You may not be able to pursue any charges against her since these kinds of things are difficult to prove, but the photos could be useful if you need to build a case against her later.

92 0
dmoran20 27

Ahhhh screw that, add to it with. If you show me you ****...

0 0
fml121785 14

Or just add "with purchase of a van" under it, it may reduce your creepy factor just enough.

96 2
desoto96 9

Get it wrapped, lot cheaper than paint.

2 9
the_smart_way 10

Getting a car/van wrapped is pretty much sticking duct tape over a broken duct... The problem will return!

2 7
desoto96 9

84 my family has been in the wrap industry for 2 generations. I'm not going to argue wether or not wrapping is better than painting, but I will say your comment was extremely ignorant. I suggested he get it wrapped because its faster and cheaper than a legitimate paint job, and if done right can be just as nice.

9 2
AliceLockehart 18

Apparently putting a thick layer of Mr Muscle on it can get graffiti off. My stepdads truck got tagged & he used that, it came right off with no paint damage :)

13 1
shorty6823 28

Who pissed in her Cheerios? But really, watch her. You never know what could happen with the crazy ones.

138 5
CharresBarkrey 15

She must've had Carnation Instant Bitch for breakfast.

58 2
shorty6823 28

I had a psycho ex, so I understand. He was a different type of psycho, but still, been there, done that.

10 2
Epikouros 31

I love your profile pic, #52 :)

10 3
shorty6823 28

Thanks! He's not very cuddly, so it was kinda a surprise when he cuddled me. Kodak Moment.

8 0
Subtext 10

Just spray paint her address and contact information under the "Free Candy" :)

288 2
sublimaze 6

Better yet, mark out "candy" and write "BJs" and your ex's phone number. If your daughter asks what BJs means, tell her Blue Jeans or whatever.

23 1
tuxedoandex 28

Even better, spray paint "Free ********" on all of her clothes and on her face.

0 0
delta873 5

you could just sue her...but you would need evidence.

6 26
Imhere4fml 24

What part of the fml isn't evidence?

1 5
lunaforever21 14

well you cant bring a story to the cops without evidence that she did in fact spray paint his van. he needs actual proof

0 0
ironichalibut 24

You'd better actually carry some free candy on hand, a large herd of children can be deadly in a feeding frenzy.

142 1
sjdbeinska 4

but what if a parent calls the cops because he'd look like a pedophile

7 7
ironichalibut 24

But what if someone had to call an ambulance because children disemboweled OP thinking he had candy? Yeah? What then?

73 2
oj101 33

This reminds me of the Child Catcher from the movie Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Did she also happen to give you a prosethic nose and a black overcoat with a flower hat and a net?

35 4
cynide 13

NOO!! I'm 17 and still afraid of that ******* bitch.

6 1
jem970 19

One of the best movies ever! But the child catcher... oh god I wanted to watch him fall off a cliff and die horribly. He gave me more nightmares than clowns do now.

1 1
xgetxbentx 13

So much win! That is what my mom threatened me with as a child lmfao!

0 0
lishajoy777 14

I dont condone being a snitch but report that bitch. Thats ****** up!

15 40
dontpanic_fml 32

For real? You consider reporting a crime committed against oneself as being a snitch? Really?!

37 0
enormouselephant 15

"Yeah man, he came up and stole all my money and my girl! Threw 'em all in his van. But you know I ain't no motherfucking snitch!"

24 1
dr_snow_bear 29

I feel for you, and your life does suck, but that's pretty damn funny.

22 5