Kids: Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy"...

By cjw - 06/03/2013 00:07 - United States

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 590

You deserved it 4 322

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/07/2013 04:59 - United States

Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 976

You deserved it 30 005

By Baegel - 02/03/2016 01:52 - United States - Havertown

Today, my psycho ex defaced my car. She didn't key it or slash my tires. She posted "TRUMP 2016" bumper stickers all over it. I don't know what glue they use, but it's been 2 hours and I haven't gotten any of them off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 904

You deserved it 2 371

Call the cops

By sammatthews2007 - 25/02/2009 03:21 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 491

You deserved it 7 497

How dare you?

By Anonymous - 09/11/2009 20:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to find my garage broken into and my car covered in paint and the words "Fuck you." Why? I broke up with my ex because she cheated on me and stole money off me and my mom. Apparently this wasn't a good enough excuse to break her up with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 393

You deserved it 2 597

By Anonymous - 22/09/2010 07:47 - Venezuela

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by spray-painting it on my locker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 008

You deserved it 3 713

Sounds like a catch

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 08:06

Today, my psycho ex tried to call the cops on me for "poisoning her food." I live two hours away from her, and have no money or gas to go anywhere near her. Turns out, she poisoned herself for eating raw chicken and pizza dough. I have a child with this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 353

Oh, hi Sharon!

By graveyard-sh*t - 29/10/2019 14:00

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend showed up at my new job to, "Keep an eye on me." The same ex-girlfriend who has been stalking me since we broke up. Two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 960

You deserved it 206

By starfishedasshole - 30/03/2014 16:50 - United States

Today, I broke up with my psycho girlfriend of one month. She actually expected me to let her keep the vintage car that I've been rebuilding for the past two years, and when I refused, she threatened to burn my garage down with us still in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 068

You deserved it 4 350

By bit - 30/07/2009 10:01 - United States

Today, me and my girls went to get revenge on a girl who slept with my boyfriend by egging her house. Her house was too far away so we decided to get her truck. We wasted a carton of eggs on her driveway because we all have terrible aim and look incredibly stupid for missing so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 482

You deserved it 64 449

Break ups are tough

By ... - 10/02/2010 09:08 - United States

Today, my pissed off girlfriend used window marker to write racist comments on my car window. This included Nazi symbols, "white power", and a few others I won't mention. I live in a predominantly black neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 172

You deserved it 4 373

SApprentice 34

Wednesday 6 March 2013 9:08

Buy a can of spray paint and spray over it. It'll look like hell, but you're going to have to get it fixed anyway, and I doubt you'll be able to make it very far with it the way it is. Oh, and go to the cops if you can. Paint jobs are expensive, and you don't need to deal with that kind of crap.

Subtext 10

Wednesday 6 March 2013 9:12

Just spray paint her address and contact information under the "Free Candy" :)

Comments

yui9 4

Tuesday 12 March 2013 5:45

Some of these are so fake sometimes

StarJack 9

Friday 22 March 2013 13:04

Roll with it, OP. when you pick up your daughter, begin to toss candy at the children. But don't be giving none of that sugar free shit.

pogomonkey83 5

Monday 25 March 2013 20:29

You should spraypaint free ******** on her car. Paybacks a m*********r!

DocShady 11

Sunday 7 April 2013 0:32

Might as well embrase it, buy some Hershey's, & M&M's, & what not...

shinedown00 4

Wednesday 15 May 2013 22:51

Kill her or sue her for )van)dalism

soldiat_fml 17

Monday 22 July 2013 6:57

She spray painted "free candy" on the side of your van? You should spray paint "free pussy" on the side of her van! Sounds like your average Insanity Wolf macro.