Kids: Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect...

By Anonymous - 19/05/2013 18:33 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 827

You deserved it 7 820

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Same thing different taste

Tasteful

By Anonymous - 06/03/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom - Greenwich

Today, my girlfriend got a new tattoo - the Blink-182 logo on her stomach. I wouldn't mind it, except she got pregnant a month ago and I'm pretty sure that it can't good for the baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 282

Memento

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 03:00

Today, my quite squeamish girlfriend came with me to get my latest tattoo. She saw a few drops of blood, screamed in the tattooist's ear, and completely fucked up part of the outline. She had to alter the tattoo drastically to cover up the mess and now it just looks bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 522

By Anonymous - 28/07/2012 16:02 - United States - South Bend

Today, I finally met my daughter's boyfriend. He has a face tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 404

You deserved it 6 099

Suspicious coincidence?

By Confused - 20/05/2023 15:00

Today, my wife had our first child. He's identical to her coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 137

Picture perfect

By Anonymous - 05/07/2022 04:00

Today, I have a tattoo of my daughter, who died when she was 11, and I had to have surgery on that body area. I told the surgeon very clearly to cut around the tattoo and he assured me he would. Woke up and the bastard had cut through my daughter's face, and half her face is now under scars and stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 493

You deserved it 166

Keep in touch

By Anonymous - 01/11/2019 22:00

Today on my birthday, my wife thought it would be a good idea to get matching tattoos. Our tattoo artist happened to be her ex-boyfriend. I sat and listened to them talk about their relationship and how they should stay in touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 133

You deserved it 328

By Anonymous - 13/09/2012 06:43 - United States - Woodinville

Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 685

You deserved it 3 708

By Chronicus Ironia - 17/10/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife is leaving me for a tattoo artist. I was in rehab and she met him getting a tattoo as a surprise for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 087

You deserved it 358

By branded - 14/05/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, I found out the tattoo symbolising my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 489

You deserved it 60 629

By TatooFAIL - 06/10/2009 14:38 - United States

Today, I found out that the phrase I got tattooed on my lower back is misspelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 284

You deserved it 67 816

Wizardo 33

Sunday 19 May 2013 22:46

Hey don't worry, she's your daughter and you should love her anyway and it'll just make for an interesting story.

KingGeorgeGal 12

Sunday 19 May 2013 22:46

That's not a big deal. You should just be happy that the baby is healthy!

Comments

hello_hola 3

Monday 27 May 2013 3:57

poor girl

MysticMonkey 9

Monday 27 May 2013 22:30

That is so cool

Prisara 2

Friday 31 May 2013 15:27

That's ******* awesome

Alice211 4

Monday 3 June 2013 11:32

She didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose her.

SummerSkiess8494 2

Monday 1 July 2013 6:17

It will get lighter as she get older but I agree with #199..... She didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose her.

Rory1798 0

Saturday 13 July 2013 6:21

Chuck Norris's child, I presume. You might need to talk with your wife :/

michelleJ11 25

Tuesday 6 August 2013 9:12

Look on the bright side OP, when she's older, no ones gonna mess with her ;)

yellowaholic 25

Wednesday 28 August 2013 9:15

You just spawned a bad ass

RockNRollAndrew 18

Wednesday 8 January 2014 5:08

That sounds AWESOME!

mainlineloser 9

Monday 29 September 2014 22:07

So does that mean she killed her twin in the womb?

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The Top

Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of what I said during, but after it was all over, he looks at me and says, "You have terrible grammar during climax." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 365

You deserved it 5 630

Today, it's Thanksgiving and I've spent the last few days imploring my husband not to antagonize my Trump-loving family by talking about the fact that they didn't look into what tariffs were at the time, and now they might have to close their business. Wish me luck… FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 239

The Top

Today I bought the Gold edition to a game for $90. I expected to be very good only to realize it was the same as the previous installment. I went to check the refund policy and it said that I had to have played less than 2 hours, I had 121 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 550

You deserved it 1 014

Today, I posted my status on Facebook as "slightly hungover." My grandma commented on it with "liar, you were helping me clean last night." She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 382

You deserved it 70 259

Today, I found that there were charges of almost 2,000 dollars on my bank account. Some asshole in Florida stole my money. I have bills and that was money I saved to buy myself a new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 393

You deserved it 168

Today, while going through customs at the airport, my bag was selected for screening. It was nearly overflowing because it was so full, so before the TSA agent searched it, I said, "Watch out - it's going to explode when you open it". Wrong choice of words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 367

You deserved it 4 833

Today, due to me not looking, I accidentally bit an apple made of styrofoam that was meant to be a part of a display on the kitchen table. My roommates were there and me not wanting to embarrass myself by putting it back, I walked out, apple in hand, to throw it away elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 768

You deserved it 2 629

Today, it was my first day being a full-time paramedic. I was shot in the arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 123

You deserved it 2 682