Intimacy: Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've...

By Cheated - 03/08/2010 04:07 - Canada

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 404

You deserved it 4 579

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Same thing different taste

Hopeless

By Anonymous - 18/11/2019 20:00

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, then, my wife told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 266

You deserved it 345

By Anonymous - 07/01/2012 00:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 393

You deserved it 4 404

By Crash44 - 08/07/2019 02:03

Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 020

You deserved it 256

Charming dude

By unzucht - 30/05/2012 16:45 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 734

You deserved it 2 494

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 05/03/2010 12:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 717

You deserved it 3 659

By doomed - 22/08/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 433

You deserved it 6 700

By Broken - 03/08/2010 12:11 - United Arab Emirates

Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 206

You deserved it 4 734

By wow - 15/04/2013 18:36 - Russian Federation - Saint Petersburg

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 965

You deserved it 6 739

Three is a magic number

By Jenny - 05/04/2020 23:00

Today, my 15-year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. To make matters worse, she doesn't know who the father is. She told me not to worry though, because she has it narrowed down to "like, only 3 guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 317

You deserved it 498

By TKPhai - 05/04/2015 03:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 201

You deserved it 16 475

SparkleMotion44 0

Tuesday 3 August 2010 12:26

divorce that ***** brah

Jessi_the_sexii 0

Tuesday 3 August 2010 12:44

answer: I want a divorce for dinner

Comments

tmcg117 1

Friday 30 September 2011 10:51

Find out if the child is yours.. If not then get out of there!

chlolzah 0

Sunday 11 December 2011 4:01

What a *****. Sorry but seriously??

newburton13 26

Saturday 7 April 2012 20:48

Can you say abortion? If she doesn't care about how faithful she is to her husband, she sure ain't gonna care about a newborn.

dellam 3

Friday 28 September 2012 13:46

What did she make for dinner?

tracymonster 1

Wednesday 31 October 2012 5:10

I'm sure she was kidding? Hopefully?

Kk_Waylen24 21

Sunday 7 April 2013 4:54

Little *****!

MilkyFilmz 26

Friday 7 June 2013 2:36

You should say macaroni with a side of divorce

The_9th_Doctor 18

Wednesday 11 September 2013 18:02

kick her ass out and tell her to get lost

slimashli 7

Thursday 16 October 2014 6:12

divorce the shit out of this woman

Masift 21

Tuesday 10 March 2015 16:16

hopefully she was joking..... if not them I'm really sorry :(

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The Top

Today, I found out that in the three years I've been dating my boyfriend, his parents have secretly been going through all of his emails, including the ones I've sent him with "sexy" pictures attached. I can't look his parents in the eye without being reminded that they've both seen me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 299

You deserved it 14 749

Today, my son is so naive that he didn’t notice that a company he interviewed for basically used him as free labour during a 3 day “skills assessment period”, after which he didn’t even get the job. Even after I explained to him they'd used him for 3 days free grunt work, he still didn’t understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 102

The Top

Today, I had a job interview. All was going well until the interviewer asked me, "So, why should we hire you?" Without thinking, I blurted out, "Because, I'm awesome!" Don't think I'll be getting that one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 382

You deserved it 17 921

Today, after losing my job, my apartment and my man, I had to move back in with my mom, at 37. She’s a total slob; I can’t function without clean, organized spaces. So, hey, at least I have a new full-time job now: cleaning up after her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 191

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 480

You deserved it 2 415

Today, I got fed up with my neighbor who has been coughing, night and day, for six months. I rang at her door to tell her about several remedies I know of to help, so I could sleep. I thus found out she has lung cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 304

You deserved it 27 225

Today, I told my wife to block the mail of her ex (because he was sending her romantic mails) or I would leave. She told me that I could leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 137

You deserved it 6 065

Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 049

You deserved it 14 521