Miscellaneous: Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up...

FML for mobile
Free

By Anonymous - 20/02/2015 21:26 - United States - Moorpark

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 004

You deserved it 2 793

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 11/06/2015 14:37 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 910

You deserved it 2 656

PUA in training

By Anonymous - 26/01/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I tried to use a corny pickup line on my crush, but my mind blanked and instead of, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" I blurted, "Did you fall?" He just stared at me and said, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 416

By moreliketurdmart - 03/06/2013 16:48 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, at the supermarket, a guy started yelling at me for staring at his "woman." She frankly looked like someone had carved Mick Jagger's face into a turd. When I told him I have better things to do than ogle random women, he started harassing me for being "a queer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 152

You deserved it 5 340

Pissed to meet you

By Anonymous - 09/08/2015 01:23 - United States

Today, at Walmart, a lady came up to me and informed me that I "look like the kinda skank that'd give it up on the first date". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 541

You deserved it 3 174

By walmart: first time, last time - 12/05/2013 16:37 - United States

Today, while I was out shopping, a fairly hideous-looking woman stormed up to me and accused me of ogling her, saying, "As if I'd ever date you!" Less than a minute later, she'd somehow managed to bully me into falsely admitting to it and apologizing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 188

You deserved it 14 780

By Bucks9 - 07/05/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, I was shopping in the mall. A cute store worker kept checking me out, so after I picked a few things I went up to her and started flirting. After a few seconds, she cut me off and said, "Actually I was watching you because you look like someone who would shoplift." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 254

You deserved it 7 148

Get away from me

By Jinthebar - 06/05/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone" in a seductive tone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 154

You deserved it 7 962

By UnicornPancake - 25/04/2018 15:00

Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 503

You deserved it 434

By fleatitting fame - 04/07/2014 21:30 - Norway - Oslo

Today, a guy told me that I look like Angelina Jolie. Before I could thank him, he continued, "I mean like in the chest area. After the mastectomy, you know?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 930

You deserved it 3 795

By sandiego - 22/02/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, while eating at an outdoor café, a man on the street came up to me and said, "My girlfriend is sexier than you, bitch." Thanks for the confidence boost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 824

You deserved it 2 832

Tarlachia 33

Saturday 21 February 2015 8:14

"Sorry, in life, I had standards. In death, you still don't meet them."

nofreeusernames 10

Saturday 21 February 2015 8:08

Shitbird is my new favourite word. Thank you.

Comments

jk_waks23 19

Saturday 21 February 2015 8:53

That's a new one!!

DarkStorm2Bad 14

Saturday 21 February 2015 9:14

And they say romance... <puts on sunglasses> ...is dead.

TheSpektyr 7

Saturday 21 February 2015 18:49

Well played.

mct_1087 27

Saturday 21 February 2015 9:14

Guess he has a fetish for dead people. That's just... ugh. FYL

atrumX 16

Saturday 21 February 2015 9:14

What a real casanova... Bahaha, hardly

bayy1432 14

Saturday 21 February 2015 9:15

Well he's quite the charmer..

MiguelDavila 18

Saturday 21 February 2015 9:21

WTF?

ooooohboy 15

Saturday 21 February 2015 9:22

Oh good lord, I am sorry haha that sucks been there done that

rockwrench 18

Saturday 21 February 2015 9:32

He thought you were a dead ringer.

Zarcissa 34

Saturday 21 February 2015 10:51

"You're all dead to me, you're like a f**king disease..."

nityasomaiya 46

Saturday 21 February 2015 9:53

Never have I met a guy who fancies dead women... Strange fellow.

roys1girl 18

Saturday 21 February 2015 10:19

No words. I can only stare at the mental image of that occurrence.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Football Miscellaneous Embarrassing Relatable Teenagers Clothes Disappointment Parents Education Religion Love Tinder Anger Jealousy Skincare Sex Vacation TV shows Health Periods Kids Cute Weird Job interview Work Abuse Gross Healthy Lifestyle Parenting Smells

The Top

Today, I was shopping with my husband. At the self-checkout, one of the items I was buying for him as a gift didn’t register. As we were walking out, I get stopped and escorted to the loss prevention office, where I was accused of stealing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 392

Today, I was texting a friend about how my date last night went, which gave me a goofy idea: I thought it would be cute to pretend that I'd made a mistake and send my response to my date, just so he'd know how I felt it went. I should've proofread, because instead of “It went well, he was really sweet!”, I sent him “It went well, he was really sweaty!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 601

The Top

Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 833

You deserved it 4 332

Today, I got my period, and had to rush to my parents' bathroom for some pads. They'd put all our wrapped presents in their bathroom. As I was looking, my dad thought I was opening presents and barged in, only to see me with my pants around my ankles. Now he won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 113

You deserved it 4 044

Today, I discovered that the actress who played a girl I have a crush on faked her résumé. Not only that, but she wasn’t even interested in acting, she just wanted a job. And boom, she also voted for Trump. And I STILL have a crush on her character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 1 199

Today, at my wedding reception, my father began his speech with "Well, I never, ever thought that this day would come," at which point the entire room, including my new husband, broke into a round of enthusiastic applause. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 530

You deserved it 4 725

Today, I realized that every girl who has approached me or I approached me since high school always ended up trying to get close to me to get close to any one of my friends. Every time I think we’re hitting it off, they ask. When I refuse to set them up, they get angry, and tell others I'm a creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 115

Today, it took a whole year to convince my girlfriend to sleep in the same bed as me, because she was afraid she’d fart. Every time, I assured her she was just being paranoid. Turns out, she farts more than anyone I’ve ever slept with. Combined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 511

Same thing different taste

PUA in training

Pissed to meet you

Get away from me

Top comments

Comments