Miscellaneous: Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up...

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By Anonymous - 20/02/2015 21:26 - United States - Moorpark

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 004

You deserved it 2 793

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Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 11/06/2015 14:37 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 910

You deserved it 2 656

PUA in training

By Anonymous - 26/01/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I tried to use a corny pickup line on my crush, but my mind blanked and instead of, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" I blurted, "Did you fall?" He just stared at me and said, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 416

By moreliketurdmart - 03/06/2013 16:48 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, at the supermarket, a guy started yelling at me for staring at his "woman." She frankly looked like someone had carved Mick Jagger's face into a turd. When I told him I have better things to do than ogle random women, he started harassing me for being "a queer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 152

You deserved it 5 340

Pissed to meet you

By Anonymous - 09/08/2015 01:23 - United States

Today, at Walmart, a lady came up to me and informed me that I "look like the kinda skank that'd give it up on the first date". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 541

You deserved it 3 174

By walmart: first time, last time - 12/05/2013 16:37 - United States

Today, while I was out shopping, a fairly hideous-looking woman stormed up to me and accused me of ogling her, saying, "As if I'd ever date you!" Less than a minute later, she'd somehow managed to bully me into falsely admitting to it and apologizing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 188

You deserved it 14 780

By Bucks9 - 07/05/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, I was shopping in the mall. A cute store worker kept checking me out, so after I picked a few things I went up to her and started flirting. After a few seconds, she cut me off and said, "Actually I was watching you because you look like someone who would shoplift." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 254

You deserved it 7 148

Get away from me

By Jinthebar - 06/05/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone" in a seductive tone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 154

You deserved it 7 962

By UnicornPancake - 25/04/2018 15:00

Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 503

You deserved it 434

By fleatitting fame - 04/07/2014 21:30 - Norway - Oslo

Today, a guy told me that I look like Angelina Jolie. Before I could thank him, he continued, "I mean like in the chest area. After the mastectomy, you know?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 930

You deserved it 3 795

By sandiego - 22/02/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, while eating at an outdoor café, a man on the street came up to me and said, "My girlfriend is sexier than you, bitch." Thanks for the confidence boost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 824

You deserved it 2 832

Tarlachia 33

Saturday 21 February 2015 8:14

"Sorry, in life, I had standards. In death, you still don't meet them."

nofreeusernames 10

Saturday 21 February 2015 8:08

Shitbird is my new favourite word. Thank you.

Comments

Hildy93 21

Saturday 21 February 2015 8:13

I award you zero points... And may God have mercy on your soul

BlindlyWandering 17

Sunday 22 February 2015 0:04

Nice billy Madison reference.

QQMorePlox 18

Saturday 21 February 2015 8:13

A true womanizer wow, he must get all the ladies

Tarlachia 33

Saturday 21 February 2015 8:14

"Sorry, in life, I had standards. In death, you still don't meet them."

priyaaaa124 22

Saturday 21 February 2015 8:16

Ew.

Shmatterhorn 38

Saturday 21 February 2015 8:17

No hidden message with that shitbird. And he most likely went home with blue balls.

Roskie 16

Saturday 21 February 2015 8:18

Remember this line, kids. It's guaranteed to get you laid.

seemo82 19

Saturday 21 February 2015 8:21

yes of-corpse ... u r totally right

MDoremis 38

Saturday 21 February 2015 8:26

...What the hell is wrong with people?

jentrynicole 20

Saturday 21 February 2015 8:27

So...he's a necrophiliac?

ThatDamHuntress 20

Saturday 21 February 2015 8:40

At least you didn't have sex with him. I hope...

photographer49 22

Saturday 21 February 2015 10:16

#22 of course she did! Don't you know "you look like a corpse" is a total panty dropper?

BlondePsycho 43

Saturday 21 February 2015 14:57

In vampire circles i'm sure it works.

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Today, I needed some contact lens solution, so I left my room to look in my sister's room to see if she had any. I walked in to see my mom sucking my dad off on her bed. They didn't see me so I walked away, but the image is engraved in my mind forever now. FML

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The Top

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You deserved it 9 088

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I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 103

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I agree, your life sucks 8 343

You deserved it 41 636

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I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 764

Today, I'm in a relationship in which the sex was great and constant at the beginning. Now it’s so quick, bad and inconsistent, it’s like going at it with a virgin who doesn’t even know how the clit works. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 201

Today, I looked at cute baby clothes while my friend was in the check-out line at JC Penny. It made me want to cry. I'm almost 33, childless, and so unattractive I couldn't pay someone to be into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 218

Same thing different taste

PUA in training

Pissed to meet you

Get away from me

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