Miscellaneous: Today, thanks to the unholy power of autocorrect, I told my mother-in-law...

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By Anonymous - 17/06/2016 23:29 - United Kingdom - Cannock

Today, thanks to the unholy power of autocorrect, I told my mother-in-law that "crispy dick" is on the menu tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 686

You deserved it 1 652

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Same thing different taste

Just ignore it!

By nothing like tasty asshole - 26/11/2019 01:00 - United States - Shelbyville

Today, trying to be nice, I sent a text to my mother-in-law saying that I couldn't wait to have her delicious casserole tonight. Only after sending, I realized that "casserole" had auto corrected to "asshole". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 852

You deserved it 601

Freud smiled

By Anonymous - 08/10/2015 02:14 - United States - Redmond

Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 458

You deserved it 4 094

By kingmetal42 - 09/02/2010 19:10 - France

Today, I texted my girlfriend that I'm going to 'lick my professor's ass' instead of 'kick' due to auto-correction on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 981

You deserved it 27 882

By why - 05/04/2011 15:25 - United States

Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 747

You deserved it 6 611

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By Tristan - 30/07/2020 02:01

Today, while messaging a possible new hire to set up an interview at my retail job, I meant to say, "Thank you for being flexible" - in regards to scheduling. Instead, it autocorrected to, "Thank you for being delicious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 291

You deserved it 334

By :/ - 20/02/2011 18:44 - Canada

Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 061

You deserved it 109 711

By ouharguohargssdf - 28/09/2013 21:01 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 471

You deserved it 2 901

By Anonymous - 10/02/2017 09:00 - United States - Waunakee

Today, at work a lady asked for a burrito, large coke, and hot sauce. While repeating back the order, the words got stuck and I accidentally said large cock. I got written up for being inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 805

You deserved it 983

Roasted

By wordmalfunction - 25/05/2009 21:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving Roast Duck I would be serving Roast Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 127

You deserved it 44 815

By ShitHappens2016 - 16/04/2017 18:00

Today, my mother-in-law texted to wish me a happy birthday. She spelled my name wrong and it's not my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 875

You deserved it 331

hekinokuroihi 20

Saturday 18 June 2016 8:37

Well, now you have to follow through. There is no other course of action.

SilverFoxx 19

Saturday 18 June 2016 8:38

Well, that ducking sucks.

Comments

sunyaph 23

Sunday 19 June 2016 3:47

Nikkibuh 11

Sunday 19 June 2016 4:42

YDI, because you should've turned auto correct off.

8djht8 19

Sunday 19 June 2016 4:50

always self spell check everything always pre-read everything period before you post send etc.

evlbb2 2

Sunday 19 June 2016 8:27

Well you could make a spotted dick and then made it crispy.

kzinn11 1

Sunday 19 June 2016 13:44

Anyone reminded of ellen's segment by this?????

whinersrwieners 7

Sunday 19 June 2016 19:31

Dame you autocorrected!

MrZed_fml 11

Sunday 19 June 2016 20:14

Mmm sounds tasty

Jonjon554 16

Tuesday 21 June 2016 2:36

You realize your phone autocorrects to words you use frequently? It wouldn't just autocorrect "dick" by itself.

Charity Taylor 17

Tuesday 8 October 2019 11:43

Hopefully she had a good sense of humor about it! Sorry OP.

millsjoshua949 12

Thursday 20 August 2020 1:05

Thats why I always read a text before I hit send. ydi

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend has been super nice to me all day and I was enjoying the attention. At bedtime, he asked me if I was happy, I said yes, he asked if was I happy enough to try butt stuff. I said no, like I do every time he asks for butt stuff. He turned over and went to sleep. So much for being nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 616

Today, I complained to my girlfriends that my husband constantly wants me to explore his disgusting perversions, like making me call him "Daddy" or putting me on a leash. They all started discussing all the nasty things they'd let my husband do, then said he should find a sidepiece who's "less boring." FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 282

The Top

Today, I worked my two jobs. During my first job, my mom took my car to LA and was late coming back. On my way to my second job, as soon as I got off the freeway the exit to my job was closed due to a protest for Palestine. If you want to protest, at least do it on a day when I don't have to work my second job, please. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 182

Today, my kid's dad grumbled and complained about having to help me out buying clothes for him, because he was sure he just gave me money for clothes last year. I thought it would be fairly obvious that a 4 year-old would eventually need bigger clothes to accommodate the fact they are still growing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 160

Today, I was having sex with a guy I really liked when he suddenly stopped and, while still inside of me, told me that he didn't "do relationships". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 837

You deserved it 797

Today, I got mauled by a cat named Mr. Sprinkles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 102

You deserved it 5 902

Today, I found out my boyfriend was “quiet dumping” me. He thought treating me like shit to the point of me leaving the relationship would be easier than him having to tell me he’s cheating on me. Apparently he didn’t want to “hurt my feelings” Well played, you bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 137

Today, I've been awake for so long, I've started to hallucinate. I loudly screamed while sitting in the front row of my philosophy class of 200 students because I thought I saw the Tasmanian Devil zooming around the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 570