Love: Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house...

FML for mobile
Free

By Anon - 04/08/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 061

You deserved it 4 129

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Krissy. - 31/03/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 782

You deserved it 4 996

Classy

By embaressed - 19/12/2009 09:44 - United States

Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 853

You deserved it 3 090

By Fatty - 27/12/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 512

You deserved it 4 180

By mothtal - 03/06/2012 16:13 - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 572

You deserved it 2 268

Pleasant

By daddydaughterWTF - 02/08/2012 00:06 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, after spending five years regaining contact with my estranged father, I finally met him. I tearfully dropped my luggage and ran to hug him. He belched and told me to get in the car, because he had diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 596

You deserved it 2 645

Tonight, on First Dates…

By dumper - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was, "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 608

You deserved it 5 696

Prankster

By longlostkid556 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 714

You deserved it 5 889

Smells like teen shit

By great 1st impression - 25/05/2014 16:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 979

You deserved it 7 932

Stinker

By taman - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN!" in front of the whole restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 406

You deserved it 5 472

Classy

By dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 857

You deserved it 4 433

CattyPurry 0

Thursday 4 August 2011 15:55

you should have yelled back "are you still 60?" (:

bigbadtim 7

Thursday 4 August 2011 15:55

Your dad is funny.

Comments

MrWhiteGluz 1

Thursday 4 August 2011 19:27

haha that's funny

BernieBeauty 1

Thursday 4 August 2011 19:36

You: 0 Dad: 1

MichaelReyes1 3

Thursday 4 August 2011 20:17

haha xD that's me in the future

hotPinklipstick 24

Thursday 4 August 2011 20:19

I would have responded with "do you still have erectile distinction??" hmmm yeah whose embarrassed now??

hotPinklipstick 24

Thursday 4 August 2011 21:52

I meant disfunction...

hotPinklipstick 24

Friday 5 August 2011 1:19

stupid iPhone is correcting my words incorrectly. I hate it :( I have to fight with it to even get half my words correct.

VasilisaUzhasnaj 29

Friday 5 August 2011 14:42

And yet the rest of us somehow manage. There's also a freaking edit option now.

utvols11 0

Thursday 4 August 2011 22:50

I want to meet this guy?

boxter57 3

Thursday 4 August 2011 23:11

good image for ur bf

KnucklesDeep 5

Thursday 4 August 2011 23:18

A million dollars says you didn't have the guts to call him out on his stupidity.

OMNOMN0M 0

Thursday 4 August 2011 23:29

my brother does something similar only he yells "you forgot to take your diarrhea medicine!" smh.

froggyiscool 0

Thursday 4 August 2011 23:54

this would happen to me..

Charlotteeexx 0

Friday 5 August 2011 0:20

Try having crohn's because then that question would be genuine. :(

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Friends Awkward Annoying Cheating Intimacy Sex Health Embarrassing Sports Coworkers Work Kids Parenting Cute Weird Babysitter Love Geek Healthy Lifestyle AITA Poopoo peepee Birthday Surprise My ex Money Relationship advice Mental health Family Music

The Top

Today, I was again turned down by a potential host family on a student exchange site. Their reasoning was basically that since I'm American, I might do something to endanger my health, get hurt, and then sue them over my own stupidity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 071

You deserved it 13 886

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with once before my current boyfriend. The guy told me he has chlamydia, and I should probably get tested. I had to call my boyfriend to explain what happened and tell him to get tested. I'm meeting his family this weekend at his sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 779

You deserved it 630

The Top

Today, I was not yet wearing my bouncer uniform when a fight broke out at a club. I intervened, only to have the cops who showed up tase me because they thought I was part of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 597

You deserved it 4 673

Today, I must've misinterpreted the waitress when she said, "First come, first served." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 87

Today, feeling desperate, I asked my dad for advice on how to get a girl. He asked me why I want to even date. I panicked and said I just wanted to make someone happy. He told me that if I wanted to make someone happy, I should "just start by getting a goddamn vasectomy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 280

You deserved it 2 738

Today, a learner driver was practicing maneuvers in the parking lot at work. This happens a lot, and my colleagues and I usually have fun watching and laughing. It was all fun and games as usual, until the learner crashed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 631

You deserved it 2 553

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 618

You deserved it 17 311

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my best friend to go on a date with me. She assumed I meant a double date and squealed, "Who's the lucky guy?!" She thought I was her gay best friend for the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 904

You deserved it 754

Same thing different taste

Classy

Pleasant

Tonight, on First Dates…

Prankster

Smells like teen shit

Stinker

Classy

Top comments

Comments