Love: Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house...

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By Anon - 04/08/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 061

You deserved it 4 129

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Same thing different taste

By Krissy. - 31/03/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 782

You deserved it 4 996

Classy

By embaressed - 19/12/2009 09:44 - United States

Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 853

You deserved it 3 090

By Fatty - 27/12/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 512

You deserved it 4 180

By mothtal - 03/06/2012 16:13 - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 572

You deserved it 2 268

Pleasant

By daddydaughterWTF - 02/08/2012 00:06 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, after spending five years regaining contact with my estranged father, I finally met him. I tearfully dropped my luggage and ran to hug him. He belched and told me to get in the car, because he had diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 596

You deserved it 2 645

Tonight, on First Dates…

By dumper - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was, "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 608

You deserved it 5 696

Prankster

By longlostkid556 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 714

You deserved it 5 889

Smells like teen shit

By great 1st impression - 25/05/2014 16:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 979

You deserved it 7 932

Stinker

By taman - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN!" in front of the whole restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 406

You deserved it 5 472

Classy

By dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 857

You deserved it 4 433

CattyPurry 0

Thursday 4 August 2011 15:55

you should have yelled back "are you still 60?" (:

bigbadtim 7

Thursday 4 August 2011 15:55

Your dad is funny.

Comments

ibrar 0

Friday 5 August 2011 6:57

lol you can't pick your family but u should laugh it pff

taylornicole97 8

Friday 5 August 2011 7:08

Quite the dad you got there!

Stylin_Since_97 10

Friday 5 August 2011 7:43

Put laxatives in his coffee and ask him the same thing in front of his peers;)

2blessed2stress 0

Friday 5 August 2011 9:17

Lol too funny fyl

bc4025567575 3

Friday 5 August 2011 10:01

Yeah that sucks. The dad that goes overboard. FYL! That would suck!

Jessica1126 0

Friday 5 August 2011 10:06

MY DAD DOES THIS EVERYTIME I HAVE A BOY OVER OR IM ON THE PHONE WITH HIM!!!! omg it's so gay!

bc4025567575 3

Friday 5 August 2011 10:45

LOL owned!

kaylapple 1

Friday 5 August 2011 10:52

your dad is very embarrassing op.

lifes_ah_bitch 0

Friday 5 August 2011 22:06

lol sounds like my dad

haniam16 6

Saturday 6 August 2011 0:40

Ur dad loves u enough to make sure no guy snags up his daughter

krez 20

Saturday 6 August 2011 1:16

I'm making a note of this one for when my daughter is old enough to date :-)

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend invited me over because her husband was going to work. That bastard picked the PERFECT day to have the stomach flu and call out of work to come back home. I had to hide in the closet naked with blue balls for three hours until he fell asleep so I could sneak out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 1 978

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 1 880

The Top

Today, I could hear my parents having sex from the other end of my house. My mom set the stove on fire because she forgot she was cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 129

Today, I told my son he couldn't have a toy. He threw a fit, looked me in the eye, and screamed, "Daddy's right! You are a bitch!" The whole store was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 161

You deserved it 6 676

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 050

You deserved it 7 513

Today, someone left sticky notes with inspirational messages on everyone's locker. Well, almost everyone. My locker was the only one without a note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 620

You deserved it 1 929

Today, my business got broken into and I lost a lot of valuable equipment. Although I have 24/7 security guards, they left in the middle of the burglary because they were too scared to stop the burglars or even to call the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 686

You deserved it 2 489

Today, my Darwin Award-nominated cousin got himself admitted to the hospital because he substituted the hammer and screwdriver for a meat tenderizer and a knife when he couldn't find the toolbox. The one I clearly labeled "TOOLS" in giant letters to avoid this situation from happening again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 174

You deserved it 337

Same thing different taste

Classy

Pleasant

Tonight, on First Dates…

Prankster

Smells like teen shit

Stinker

Classy

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