Health: Today, the highlight of my whole month was finally being able...

FML for mobile
Free

By Anonymous - 29/04/2016 17:11 - United States - Ames

Today, the highlight of my whole month was finally being able to take a solid crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 464

You deserved it 1 782

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/05/2011 03:48 - United States

Today, for the first time all month I felt truly proud and accomplished. I finally figured out how to change the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 891

You deserved it 24 114

Getting on

By Anonymous - 23/06/2020 17:01

Today, I’m at the stage of my life where a normal bowel movement is practically a cause for celebration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 446

You deserved it 157

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 03:14 - United States

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 798

You deserved it 3 070

You need more fiber

By Anonymous - 30/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 115

By 092492 - 05/03/2011 21:53 - United States

Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 546

You deserved it 3 995

By Poopie - 29/01/2011 06:06 - Canada

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 229

You deserved it 3 222

Ouch

By sadface - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 786

You deserved it 7 507

By wtf - 09/06/2011 15:04 - United Kingdom

Today, I shat out a staple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 626

You deserved it 17 981

By Anonymous - 01/06/2016 11:05 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 523

You deserved it 869

By Maddie - 22/03/2011 15:39

Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 496

You deserved it 12 940

sciencebitches 11

Saturday 30 April 2016 8:56

It's the small moments in life that really count...

smallandroid 26

Saturday 30 April 2016 8:46

Congratulations!

Comments

sadmofo12345 15

Monday 2 May 2016 17:01

You were in a dire-ea situation?

sidpool912 14

Monday 2 May 2016 23:51

sounds like shit got real

Talented73 54

Tuesday 25 October 2016 18:42

Rectum? It damn near killed 'um!

BlueJay76 9

Monday 12 June 2017 4:07

That ***** orgasmic!

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Embarrassing Love School Crush Mental health Confused Friends Intimacy Sex DIY My ex I need your advice Awkward Education Break-ups Miscellaneous Delivery Annoying Scary Insulting Kids Parenting Clothes Racism Work Animals Frustration Cats Cute Alcohol

The Top

Today, my crush, who’s notorious for only dating skinny girls, walked out of the break room. I turned to my friend and joked, “I may not be skinny, but I can suck a jawbreaker through a boba straw!” Turns out he came back because he forgot his phone. He most definitely heard me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 1 881

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 231

You deserved it 9 159

The Top

Today, I met this girl who's perfect. Turns out, since I'm adopted, she might be my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 113

Today, while at a party, a cute topless woman sat next to me to flirt with the guy on the other end of the couch. This is the closest I've been to a pair of boobs in 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 457

You deserved it 6 928

Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 377

You deserved it 5 053

Today, I went out for dinner with some friends to a new restaurant. As I was finishing the soup, I noticed a small curly hair at the bottom of the soup. The chef is bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 173

You deserved it 2 553

Today, I discovered that whenever my house is affected by a blackout, the cooler for my Xbox will turn on by itself when it's fixed. My Xbox cooler flashes repeatedly, alternating between several bright colors, when it turns on. If I'm asleep when it happens, which is often the case, it wakes me up. Every. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 428

Today, a coworker grabbed my ass for the third time. I went to my boss to complain about the sexual harassment. He told me to suck it up and enjoy the attention, and that it was my fault for having a huge, round ass. I think it's time for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 001

You deserved it 189

Same thing different taste

Getting on

You need more fiber

Ouch

Top comments

Comments