Miscellaneous: Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent...

By Bec - 25/07/2011 14:10 - Australia

Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answered the door, my brother saw badges, panicked, and jumped out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm related to this twit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 435

You deserved it 3 607

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 03:23 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 788

You deserved it 17 569

By Ouch - 10/04/2011 08:55 - Canada

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 902

You deserved it 30 729

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 10/03/2023 06:00

Today, after I was locked out of my apartment, I went down the leaf-filled ravine behind the building to get to the fire escape ladder, climbed up four stories and over the balcony, then wiggled through the window on my stomach onto the living room floor. Now I'm back inside and paranoid about robbers doing the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 220

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 30/07/2013 17:32 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was in the shower, oblivious to the outside world, when four police officers who had apparently been banging at my door, entered by force. They were doing a bust on a weed farm and got the wrong house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 646

You deserved it 3 603

By wreckdit - 12/10/2016 23:55 - United States

Today, I discovered that my roommate is a drug dealer and has been keeping her product in our flat. I discovered this when several police officers broke down my bathroom door and arrested me while I was in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 804

You deserved it 727

Possession

By Katelyn_Louise - 01/05/2021 10:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, someone left their drug bag on the table in the lounge at my place, probably a friend, and probably a mistake. The next minute the cops knock on the door and force their way in. Immediately the cop spots the drug bag and cuffs me. It wasn't even my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 861

Golden child

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 07:30 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I found out my junkie brother broke into my home, and stole mine AND my children's belongings whilst we were on holiday. I rang my mother to vent, only for her to blatantly defend him and insist I got it wrong. We caught him on camera, and now I'm being scolded for even thinking he would do such a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 489

You deserved it 106

By Anonymous - 16/09/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, I got lost trying to find the hospital my sister was giving birth in. I stopped at a store to call my mom for directions. A cop pulled up beside me and knocked loudly on my window asking me to get out. The store had been robbed and I am now a suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 914

You deserved it 2 559

By ari - 17/06/2011 11:06 - United States

Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights, looking for some criminal who used to live in my house. Apparently, when they showed the man's mugshot to my neighbors upstairs, for some reason they identified the man as my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 646

You deserved it 3 023

Panic! In the Bathroom

By MAWZ - 19/07/2011 06:33 - United States

Today, while I was showering, my brother thought it would be funny to burst through the door pretending he was a burglar. Panicked, I went to grab the soap bar as a weapon, slipped, fell, and hit my head on the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 749

You deserved it 5 161

JakeLee 6

Monday 25 July 2011 19:01

weed makes ya paranoid man...

maddybopeep 2

Monday 25 July 2011 19:01

can't pick your family, fyl

Comments

sensoon15 7

Monday 25 July 2011 19:04

oh sorry policemen, my brother just gets scared whenever he sees the police, he hasn't got over his fear from when he was a little kid.

koe4 0

Monday 25 July 2011 19:59

they had to search his anal cavity because they smelled cannabis

melchibr_fml 0

Monday 25 July 2011 19:04

I like waffles

Fx13mz 7

Monday 25 July 2011 19:04

That must be some good hash bro lol.

smgboo 0

Monday 25 July 2011 19:04

did he make it out?

x_KL_x 7

Tuesday 26 July 2011 0:25

If it's the same guy I just saw on the news yep. But it said he broke a rib and punctured a lung.

Madiluvsyuh98 2

Monday 25 July 2011 19:05

...cool story bro

Kirlyfoo 9

Monday 25 July 2011 19:05

matzah

salvorican 24

Monday 25 July 2011 19:06

Are you sure he didn't smoke one today?

noel_ani 0

Monday 25 July 2011 19:07

that's a funny twit you got there...

cumverg 0

Monday 25 July 2011 19:08

Just stick with the "I have glaucoma" defense. Works every time.

xleanne_aLly 23

Monday 25 July 2011 19:11

wow, is he ok?

icefshng8 9

Monday 25 July 2011 19:18

holy shit. the picture moves?!

DontModMeDammit 10

Monday 25 July 2011 19:46

more like flashes.. lo but still WTF.

j_cat187 19

Monday 25 July 2011 19:55

weed makes everything crazy...

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The Top

Today, me and my friend were walking down our school hallway, only to be pushed down by the bully group. I got up and smacked them in the face with my lunchbox. I then got ISS. Middle school sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 96

Today, the lullaby I sing to my toddler makes my husband fall asleep faster than her, so basically I have to choose between not having sex or having to put up with a cranky overtired hyperactive toddler. Our house has a single bedroom where we all co-sleep, so I guess it's option one for now for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 384

The Top

Today, my husband sent me a short video of my snoring last night because I wanted to hear how bad I sound. The first few seconds went by OK, but for the rest of the clip I could barely hear anything else over the sound of my husband taking a long piss in our bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 783

You deserved it 480

Today, my mom found my anime drawings and tore them up because she “didn’t raise some filthy porn artist.” I admit the pictures were kind of porny, but I’m an artist and those images were done to my customer's very specific description. My mom just cost me weeks of detailed drawing and £2000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 371

Today, my boyfriend gently pointed out that when we hug, it's our stomachs that touch first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 501

You deserved it 417

Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 490

You deserved it 1 626

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is cheating on me when she was arrested for having sex in public. Not with me though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 443

You deserved it 3 603

Today, my son screamed at me to fuck off. Apparently, because he only gets one day off a week, he’s sick of me saving up all my projects and forcing him to help me on that one day. He’s now barricaded himself in his room with a big DO IT YOURSELF on the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 2 655

Same thing different taste

Paranoid

It wasn't me

Possession

Golden child

Panic! In the Bathroom

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