Intimacy: Today, when I returned from holiday, I discovered my best friend...

By stuckonrepeat - 04/08/2010 20:17 - Ireland

Today, when I returned from holiday, I discovered my best friend taught my parrot dirty phrases for fun. I can't get her to shut up and my little niece and nephew are coming over in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 678

You deserved it 4 677

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 19:39 - Germany - Munich

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 228

You deserved it 1 157

What did you say?

By What? - 22/01/2013 19:00 - Australia

Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 658

You deserved it 4 110

By Anonymous - 17/06/2013 20:07 - United States

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 760

You deserved it 7 001

By sexual parrot - 21/04/2014 18:42

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 651

You deserved it 16 124

By weep weep weep - 12/03/2012 03:04 - United States

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 926

You deserved it 3 850

You ******* idiot

By Handuh15 - 31/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was babysitting with my best friend, watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 3 264

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 06:22 - Australia

Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 149

You deserved it 4 201

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 04:43 - United States

Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 196

You deserved it 9 274

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 14:03 - United States

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 477

You deserved it 7 712

Enjoy the sirens

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 04:00

Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML

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You deserved it 195

JtotheZ 0

Thursday 5 August 2010 0:39

I did the same thing with my grandmas parrot but I thought it Spanish bad words. ;P she doesn't know Spanish.

ChocolateEclaire 0

Thursday 5 August 2010 0:42

Put a blanket on its cage so it sleeps and won't cuss. Make sure the kids don't get in that room though...

Comments

blooglekoogle 0

Friday 19 November 2010 7:32

it's called duct tape my friend. duct tape.

Thekid2318 1

Friday 28 January 2011 7:43

Kill the bird, problem solved. :p

mccutie396 0

Thursday 7 July 2011 7:28

lol!

PanMingshul 0

Friday 8 July 2011 5:48

dang, the amount if people saying "kill it, problem solved" had me thinking I'd accidentally wandered onto /b/.

jaguar45b 7

Saturday 12 May 2012 4:53

Polly wants a what??....

myersch 2

Wednesday 25 July 2012 1:42

hahahaha ur a sucker jerk

x_the_lancer_x 13

Friday 14 June 2013 3:51

Well, worse case scenario, you can always scare the heck out of them if they are young enough and say that if they ever say anything the parrot says they will never see their parents again or something that will scare them. I know it's mean but it could work, also if they say it anyway and it doesn't happen they will never trust you again.... :P