Intimacy: Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend...

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 363

You deserved it 11 903

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Same thing different taste

By morethanredhands - 21/05/2012 05:56

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 754

You deserved it 7 820

By Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 046

You deserved it 2 955

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 645

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 19:18 - United States

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 745

You deserved it 37 966

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 470

You deserved it 764

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 360

You deserved it 665

By theassman - 11/03/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 147

You deserved it 80 579

By Noname - 12/03/2009 11:24 - New Zealand

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 259

You deserved it 18 045

By xsnqw - 19/01/2016 22:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 581

You deserved it 6 955

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 207

You deserved it 37 101

iliketurdles 7

Sunday 5 December 2010 12:34

That's the best cover story for mastetbuting I have heard.. I may use it in the future :D

mexipunker 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 13:10

Mom: No masterbating at the table young man, now finish your peas. Son: Yes mommy.

Comments

EEric_14 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 16:37

The drummer in Def Leppord has to use his leg because he only has one arm

theschizz 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 17:49

how retarded is your family, you were hitting your leg, not jacking off, couldn't they see your dick was in your pants?

RedPillSucks 31

Monday 6 December 2010 3:48

They probably didn't dare look. Only the people sitting next to OP would know what he was really doing.

lovingmylife84 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 17:53

drums are on the table, using two hands.

WHAT_THA_PHUCK 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 19:42

LOL! I have a pretty awesome picture in my head of you closing your eyes and biting your lip getting all into your drums! I hate it when I get bored and do crazy shit with my hands or make a weird face when I think no ones watching!

ilikethebeatles 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 19:46

Not at the table Carlos

professorzae15 0

Monday 6 December 2010 3:51

not at the table Carlos lmao

rusrsbrah 0

Monday 6 December 2010 11:38

From a fellow drummer, I think that's ******* hilarious. that's why you do both hands on both legs and make sure to hit the fills. it's harder to mistake that.