Miscellaneous: Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son,...

By my honest father - 10/07/2013 16:33 - United States - Kansas City

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 064

You deserved it 3 749

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Same thing different taste

By unfortunate - 30/06/2013 04:45 - United States

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 150

You deserved it 3 195

Go forth and NOT multiply

By MirandaKristine - 06/03/2020 12:31 - United States - Miami

Today, my dad handed me my refilled birth control prescription. I thanked him, and he replied, "Well, God forbid you run out and reproduce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 334

By LuckySperm - 12/08/2011 13:14 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 422

You deserved it 3 137

By Anonymous - 14/08/2012 15:42 - United States

Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 943

You deserved it 1 772

By TMI - 04/06/2011 16:41 - United States

Today, I had the misfortune of being left alone with my dad. He took it as an opportunity to tell me in detail all about his recent vasectomy, and the complications the surgeon had due to the scar tissue on my dad's testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 566

You deserved it 2 884

By costcocondoms - 23/07/2009 05:23 - Mexico

Today, I was shopping at Costco for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner, and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me, I heard somebody say, "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 972

You deserved it 9 636

By Anonymous - 26/06/2012 22:04 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 396

You deserved it 2 300

By bob - 05/02/2011 12:02 - United States

Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 150

You deserved it 4 218

By Anonymous - 21/03/2014 22:35 - Australia

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 896

You deserved it 6 752

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 07:26 - United States - Blair

Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 294

You deserved it 1 896

thrAsHeRr9081 16

Wednesday 10 July 2013 22:50

Most of us are... :)

iiTzNeeNerz 26

Wednesday 10 July 2013 22:51

Think of it this way: You were one fast and sneaky little swimmer.

Comments

Virtual_BS 13

Wednesday 10 July 2013 23:03

Be glad that you are.

jessBeAqueen 13

Wednesday 10 July 2013 23:04

dont look at it as an accident but more of a surprise. at least that what I do. my parents had other options (a word that rhymes with sha-shmortion) but regardless of the pressure others put on them, they decided to keep me. Your parents took the same route. That and how theyve stuck around to raise you properly says a lot. just be grateful OP

vivianaalicia 5

Wednesday 10 July 2013 23:05

What a douche lol

happyhead123 16

Wednesday 10 July 2013 23:05

Tell him it also took a lot of alcohol on his wife's part before condoms were even relevant.

RodzillaX 30

Wednesday 10 July 2013 23:05

At least you didn't give up. You're a fighter my friend.

perdix 29

Wednesday 10 July 2013 23:08

"Coincidentally, I've pre-registered you into a faulty, off-brand nursing home. Try not to forget anything or break a hip, cuz they're itching to take your money, heh-heh-heh."