Miscellaneous: Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son,...

By my honest father - 10/07/2013 16:33 - United States - Kansas City

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 064

You deserved it 3 749

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Same thing different taste

By unfortunate - 30/06/2013 04:45 - United States

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 150

You deserved it 3 195

Go forth and NOT multiply

By MirandaKristine - 06/03/2020 12:31 - United States - Miami

Today, my dad handed me my refilled birth control prescription. I thanked him, and he replied, "Well, God forbid you run out and reproduce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 334

By LuckySperm - 12/08/2011 13:14 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 422

You deserved it 3 137

By Anonymous - 14/08/2012 15:42 - United States

Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 943

You deserved it 1 772

By TMI - 04/06/2011 16:41 - United States

Today, I had the misfortune of being left alone with my dad. He took it as an opportunity to tell me in detail all about his recent vasectomy, and the complications the surgeon had due to the scar tissue on my dad's testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 566

You deserved it 2 884

By costcocondoms - 23/07/2009 05:23 - Mexico

Today, I was shopping at Costco for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner, and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me, I heard somebody say, "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 972

You deserved it 9 636

By Anonymous - 26/06/2012 22:04 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 396

You deserved it 2 300

By bob - 05/02/2011 12:02 - United States

Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 150

You deserved it 4 218

By Anonymous - 21/03/2014 22:35 - Australia

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 896

You deserved it 6 752

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 07:26 - United States - Blair

Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 294

You deserved it 1 896

thrAsHeRr9081 16

Wednesday 10 July 2013 22:50

Most of us are... :)

iiTzNeeNerz 26

Wednesday 10 July 2013 22:51

Think of it this way: You were one fast and sneaky little swimmer.

Comments

BlissfulLiss 18

Friday 12 July 2013 0:44

I'm not sure what circumstance is ever appropriate to tell your child something like that.

Uniqueview 2

Friday 12 July 2013 23:34

So was Bart Simpson, and he turned out okay.

HurrDurr123 1

Saturday 13 July 2013 0:10

Welcome to the real world.

Yolandababy2 14

Saturday 13 July 2013 16:17

And I would of said to him. The reason why I don't punch you in the face right now for disrespecting me is because of the fact you are my father.

Therewhenneeded 16

Saturday 13 July 2013 19:15

Oh lordy. XD That sucks. But I hope it was said with humor. I once jokingly told my mom "I owe my existence to a faulty condom and a six-pack of bud Lite, right?". DEAD serious she goes, "No. It was Coors." Father concurred.

anabuddy123 10

Thursday 18 July 2013 7:12

My parents say I was a mistake too

crystalxa 35

Tuesday 24 September 2013 21:54

Pretty sure most of us are mistakes!

Pseudonym 18

Thursday 30 August 2018 6:52

I mean, to be fair that's why many of us are alive. Faulty contraceptives.

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The Top

Today, I spent an entire hour talking to someone at a party. I was feeling a real connection, only to find out halfway through the conversation that she wasn’t actually a guest, she was the caterer who just happened to be really nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 192

Today, I asked my son to keep my new girlfriend secret from his mom until our divorce was final, and he ran straight to her. She told the judge I was unfaithful and wants more money from our settlement. My son doesn't give a shit about snitching on me, because she's giving him a percentage of the new settlement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 1 842

The Top

Today, my mom taught her dog not to jump onto her bed without "asking". The dog figured that barking would be a good way to ask, and mostly feels the need to do that around 4 a.m. My room is right next to my mom’s, and I already have trouble sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 71

Today, I found out that the small bugs I've been blowing off my pillow all year are in fact baby cockroaches. I discover this when I found two full grown ones crawling around and decided to Google it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 450

You deserved it 918

Today, I have two decades of existing under my belt, yet I still can't drive. The idea of trusting yourself and others to not be dumbasses when you're moving at high speeds is not at all appealing to my anxiety-ridden brain. I can't even ride a bike properly. How the hell am I ever going to live independently? FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 345

Today, my girlfriend found out that she's pregnant and has spent the last 5 hours in the bathroom crying at “what her father is going to think”. She’s 32 years old for god's sake, in an adult relationship, and still thinks her father is going to be angry at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 322

Today, I broke my nose by sneezing too close to a table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 324

You deserved it 7 577

Today, I spent ages cleaning my house, only for my toddler to spill a box of cereal right when I'd finished. As I cleaned up the mess, the dog dragged the cereal into almost every room. All the floors now have what I can only describe as "surprise crunch zones." FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 104

Same thing different taste

Go forth and NOT multiply

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