Intimacy: Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter...

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By Anonymous - 15/03/2013 10:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 943

You deserved it 6 214

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Same thing different taste

In flagrante delicto

By Matasha - 19/04/2021 23:00

Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 391

You deserved it 136

Overreaction much?

By whyyyyyyyy - 19/10/2022 12:00

Today, after a long dry spell, my girlfriend started coming on to me in the living room early in the morning. Just as things were getting good, her toddler rushed in. Now she's crying in her room, and he won't stop sobbing and asking, "Why was your wee-wee in Mommy's mouth?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 399

Not now

By Anonymous - 25/09/2021 23:00

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 274

Inappropriate, honey

By Jessica - 15/05/2009 00:03 - United States

Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 112

You deserved it 47 709

By KayyElOh94 - 17/10/2014 22:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 739

You deserved it 3 807

Man child

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 02:02

Today, instead of being an adult, my husband was more hysterical than my daughter during a hissy fit. It makes me want to divorce him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 195

Scarred for life

By Guess who's back - 10/07/2022 10:00 - Australia - Homebush

Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 1 828

Misunderstanding

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:49 - United States - Rice Lake

Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 518

You deserved it 6 571

By mandybar15 - 14/12/2012 23:52 - United States - Norman

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 299

You deserved it 6 696

Spooked

By Anonymous - 20/10/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 273

perdix 29

Friday 15 March 2013 18:40

That sucks! Wait, no, it doesn't!

PenguinPower 8

Friday 15 March 2013 18:41

Wow I feel sorry for you, having to deal with two children at once!

Comments

JustKittyKat 24

Friday 15 March 2013 18:45

It's not like there wasn't a chance that after calming the child back to sleep, you could have continued. He ****** this up for himself.

cb1002630 11

Friday 15 March 2013 18:46

Give them both a pacifier.

stevenJB 25

Friday 15 March 2013 20:00

Well...OP does have two...

JaneChemi_fml 21

Friday 15 March 2013 20:45

actually op never mentioned how many pacifiers she has.

Catkam623 27

Friday 15 March 2013 21:08

He's talking about her boobs... Unless she had breast cancer in which case I'm sorry for your loss.

RidiculousPedant 1

Friday 15 March 2013 18:46

Grammar is *important*. With one of those comma-ed off phrases like "while going down on my husband", if you don't specify a subject there, it defaults to the subject of the enclosing clause. In this case, that would be "our three-year-old daughter", which, I'm pretty sure, isn't what you meant.

lainzilla 14

Friday 15 March 2013 18:49

Yeah I had to read this one twice because it sounded so off the first time around.

Hangryko 31

Saturday 28 May 2022 7:54

The commas go inside the quotes. How does it feel to receive unsolicited grammar advice?

asnakelovinbabe 16

Friday 15 March 2013 18:56

Doesn't seem like too big of a deal... Tell him to keep it warm for you and just keep going once you've got her back to sleep!

noelasis94 18

Friday 15 March 2013 19:14

Well you know three year olds getting Einstein like brains from God, unlimited amounts of intelligence, and destruction on dads sex life.

MorganBrown 8

Friday 15 March 2013 19:24

I know this may be horrible but I laughed so hard. Your husband needs to grow up. There's other times you both could be doing sexual things, you ARE married, spending the rest of your lives together. Seriously.

perdix 29

Friday 15 March 2013 19:25

Your daughter is probably interrupting the ******* so that you two will engage in coitus instead, and give her some siblings to rule over. Kids can be so manipulative!