Intimacy: Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking...

By notacreep - 06/07/2015 17:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 551

You deserved it 8 253

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I was at work lifeguarding and saw a kid drowning on the far end of the pool. I decided running would be the quickest way to get to her, but as I ran across the pool deck I slipped and hit my head. The kid's mother jumped in to save her child and then called an ambulance for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 053

You deserved it 13 976

By spaghett - 29/08/2016 20:32 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 164

You deserved it 1 822

By heyyoitsapotato - 31/05/2013 02:35 - United States

Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 139

You deserved it 3 300

Bad moon rising

By Anonymous - 28/03/2024 14:00 - United States - Salem

Today, I was working my lifeguard job when I had to remind a 17 year-old boy that water is clear and that I could see him pulling his trunks down to moon his friends. Kind of want to drown myself now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 93

By Anonymous - 09/07/2013 16:07 - United States - Katy

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 742

You deserved it 23 094

By Higgs - 02/06/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 151

You deserved it 6 231

STOP!

By lamelifeguard - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Morrison

Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 097

You deserved it 4 473

By Sleepy - 04/07/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while lifeguarding, thinking I could get away with it due to my sunglasses. When I woke up, I saw my boss waving at me. Apparently she'd been trying to get my attention for five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 570

You deserved it 70 006

By humanshield - 10/04/2016 16:49 - United States - Rockland

Today, while working my job as a swim instructor, my coworker sprayed me with the hose. I instinctively held up what I was holding to block the cold water. I was holding a 4 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 261

You deserved it 5 145

By notagoodtime - 06/02/2016 20:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 989

You deserved it 5 133

ryannmichael 17

Tuesday 7 July 2015 0:08

That's a hard situation to be in... sorry OP

random2212 16

Tuesday 7 July 2015 0:07

Omg that's terrible!

Comments

bilalshah2525 9

Tuesday 7 July 2015 3:49

haha! i think your girlfriend is not giving you much time :p

annalily5 28

Tuesday 7 July 2015 3:52

Things like this make me very glad I'm a girl. I can think about all the sexy times I want with none the wiser.

deathshead 19

Tuesday 7 July 2015 5:21

that picture... it's a black Mamba right? they are almost as deadly as erections around children.

ezrajab 22

Tuesday 7 July 2015 3:56

Omg sorry op that's a terrible situation hope it works out for the best

AlysiaChanel 16

Tuesday 7 July 2015 4:19

Just say it was the cold water

Smooth_Criminal 24

Tuesday 7 July 2015 6:31

cold water gives men random boners? never knew that. *obvious sarcasm*

QuaDECH 13

Tuesday 7 July 2015 19:20

Cold water basically does the opposite.

coried91 28

Tuesday 7 July 2015 19:55

Hun, cold water works on nipples not dicks. If the water was cold he probably wouldn't be in this situation.

RedPillSucks 31

Tuesday 7 July 2015 4:29

perhaps strap it down next time

dzponce11 11

Tuesday 7 July 2015 4:34

just wear a chastity belt to work.

jude_iscariot 7

Tuesday 7 July 2015 4:36

I don't see what there is to talk about. It's a very natural thing that you can't really control. If they try to fire you for it, threaten to sue them for sexual harassment (why are they talking about it) or sexism (because only men can get a boner).

mattyiscool123 26

Tuesday 7 July 2015 4:45

Maybe no one noticed

Justincredible69 11

Tuesday 7 July 2015 6:30

pretty sure people noticed. op has a meeting with HR...

Redgy22 26

Tuesday 7 July 2015 4:46

How old ARE you that you don' t have control over yourself? Simply thinking about someone gets you hard? Time to grow up & probably start looking for another job.

AdamTB 26

Tuesday 7 July 2015 5:02

I don't need to check your profile, from this comment I can assume relatively safely that you're not a guy. Seriously, it can be incredibly easy to get a boner just from thinking about something attractive, especially when you're currently not doing anything. The guy saved the kid in the end, overall he was still doing his job just fine.

MagnusDeus 24

Tuesday 7 July 2015 5:08

How old are YOU if you don't understand basic male anatomy.

MrThump 16

Tuesday 7 July 2015 5:35

Thinking about hot chicks, ****, pussy, sex can get most dudes hard. Young males can have boners for no reason and it can be very embarrassing when they happen at an inconvenient time..... Dang when I was a teenager even the wind rustling agaisnt my pants probably set me off.

jude_iscariot 7

Tuesday 7 July 2015 6:00

I'm 34, and yeah, sometimes thinking about stuff makes me hard. It happens. And it happened WAAAY more often when I was a teen - which, coincidentally, is the age of the people I often see working as lifeguards. And as for actually thinking about something, sometimes it's as simple as someone says something that reminds you of a conversation you had with someone, then you think about them... And then it happens. (Also, I'm responding to #69. LOL.)