Intimacy: Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend,...

By BDSM4Jesus - 20/01/2015 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 152

You deserved it 4 555

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Same thing different taste

By syl - 11/02/2010 06:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 318

You deserved it 5 224

By WWJD - 01/03/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 327

You deserved it 1 601

Like a virgin

By JustSomeGuy - 30/07/2013 03:43 - United States - Bulverde

Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 099

You deserved it 9 621

Orders

By belljars - 18/04/2014 02:27 - United States - Riverside

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 177

You deserved it 9 148

By ohgod... - 02/04/2012 02:18 - Canada - Magog

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 188

You deserved it 3 432

Spread the word

By JAY22 - 26/03/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment. Things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another, and the next thing I knew, she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said, "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 224 165

You deserved it 35 817

No gods no masters

By Anonymous - 01/03/2024 09:00 - United States - North Royalton

Today, during a intense orgasm I screamed, "You're my God!" at my husband. Afterwards, he told me I was blasphemous and reminded me that God smites those with false prophets. Needless to say, I think I'll just keep my mouth shut in the future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 172

By 504-A1 - 11/05/2012 22:02 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 509

You deserved it 10 414

By milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 421

You deserved it 6 868

Pick your moments, dude!

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 00:01

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 345

Storvolleng 28

Tuesday 20 January 2015 12:00

do the next best thing and shout "oh god!" he would be so pissed if you said his fathers name!

Excelz 10

Tuesday 20 January 2015 12:01

Jesus should already be inside you anyway.

Comments

FranckGonzalz 16

Tuesday 20 January 2015 13:03

At least he is a "man of God".

Econforthwin 15

Tuesday 20 January 2015 13:08

Probably one one of the best OP screen names you'll ever see.

bloodwraith96 16

Tuesday 20 January 2015 13:10

Well there are worse things he could be, at least you know you won't run out of wine

Sheepalicious 20

Tuesday 20 January 2015 13:13

Then you should get him to call you mary Magdalene.

sstahpp 33

Tuesday 20 January 2015 13:18

Hallelujah!

sstahpp 33

Tuesday 20 January 2015 13:20

Hallelujah!!

Livin_Like_Larry 29

Tuesday 20 January 2015 13:41

Unless his actual name is Jesus, that would be a little wierd

laden_swallow09 34

Tuesday 20 January 2015 14:19

Hence the FML.

shadow_heart_13 11

Tuesday 20 January 2015 15:00

No your spelling mistake looks weird.

cccook1547 14

Tuesday 20 January 2015 19:23

You're*

dgameseeker 12

Tuesday 20 January 2015 23:43

It was actually the correct form of your*

BlondePsycho 43

Tuesday 20 January 2015 14:21

I dont understand, he wants to be nailed to a cross and have everything he says misinterpreted?

Undecidedlime 6

Tuesday 20 January 2015 19:46

That comment. I like that shit.

Scarylizard1798 23

Tuesday 20 January 2015 14:31

And that's the last time you tie him to a cross and put a fake beard on him during sex

DaeccaD 5

Tuesday 20 January 2015 15:05

so. you could say he ended up nailing his hand.

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The Top

Good morning guys! Today's interview has been done in some extreme circumstances. It was about 36° Celsius, and half of the Completely Serious Comics crew was working while the other one was cooking. Well, it was a bit crazy as you can imagine. So m...

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 17

Today, my brother showed my wife a Craigslist ad by someone seeking casual sex. It had very specific details that made it seem like I wrote it. My brother later admitted in private that he made the post as revenge for me not loaning him $500 last month. Meanwhile, my wife still thinks I'm unfaithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 647

You deserved it 1 159

The Top

Today, I had to chase my naked brothers around my house for twenty minutes, trying to get them to take a bath, all while they were chasing my best friend around yelling, "IT'S WIENER TIME!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 535

You deserved it 2 931

Today, my car window got smashed in. The cop that came to take the report said they'd already caught the guy doing it, he'd smashed in several other car windows, all of the exact same model and color. His reason for doing it was simple: he was drunk and "hated red Jeeps". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 530

You deserved it 3 845

Today, I was petsitting for my neighbor's new puppy. A huge thunderstorm came, and the puppy started whining and shivering violently. I pulled it into my lap to try and comfort it. One loud clap of thunder later, and the puppy had explosive diarrhea all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 846

You deserved it 9 080

Today, I tried to surprise my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex Tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was naked and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 134

You deserved it 8 547

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 993

You deserved it 7 186

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 910

You deserved it 4 225