Intimacy: Spread the word

Spread the word

By JAY22 - 26/03/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment. Things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another, and the next thing I knew, she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said, "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 224 165

You deserved it 35 817

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Same thing different taste

By Ben - 25/01/2010 03:31 - United States

Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 287

You deserved it 47 719

By man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 127

You deserved it 23 508

By unbelievable208 - 05/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 652

You deserved it 86 720

Stuff

By BOO! - 25/05/2019 04:00

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 222

You deserved it 404

Feed me with your kiss

By Anonymous - 18/09/2021 08:00

Today, while having missionary sex, my girl was reaching a climax. She kept screaming a bunch of things like, “Yes!”, “Don’t stop!”, “Keep going.” Well, at least until a giant booger fell straight from my nose into her mouth. Then the only thing she was screaming was that I needed to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 912

You deserved it 798

By BDSM4Jesus - 20/01/2015 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 152

You deserved it 4 555

By WWJD - 01/03/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 328

You deserved it 1 601

Jesus wept

By chicochico - 19/12/2008 16:05 - France

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 342

You deserved it 7 042

Get the hell out of there

By Anonymous - 01/09/2022 22:00

Today, my friend and I were driving to work, when she asked me to stop at the gas station. Ten minutes later, I see this woman come out, my friend right behind her. The woman spotted me, an intense look in her eyes. She marched over, threw a paper at me, and screamed, "Jesus died for our sins!" She then stormed off. I'm a crazy magnet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 123

By jealouspussy - 20/02/2013 06:55 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 494

You deserved it 5 990

lolol182 4

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:00

ahahahahaha reminds me of the one where the girl said "forgive me lord!" when she came

Socrates_fml 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:02

how did you answer/what happened?

Comments

lolol182 4

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:00

ahahahahaha reminds me of the one where the girl said "forgive me lord!" when she came

Tang35 0

Wednesday 17 February 2010 6:49

haha u r so right!! :) if I were a guy id of been like, yes! now bow your head and pray already!

nosedive1994 0

Sunday 18 April 2010 8:34

I'd have been like "I'll decide when I come"

hellokittywhore 0

Wednesday 28 April 2010 0:39

lmfao at 309!!! I'm soo gonna do this tonight!! or maybe the one where the girls giving her bf head and lots at him and gives him a thumbs up. XD

Selsa_Squirrel 0

Wednesday 11 August 2010 8:14

There is much win in this one. U.U

Xtaci 0

Sunday 15 August 2010 20:18

#323 tell ur bf it tastes like chicken. see what he says lol

viper2426 0

Monday 25 July 2011 10:58

should have cummed and said hallaluya!!

Humanspider 18

Thursday 24 November 2011 12:20

awesome!

aimzskee 30

Tuesday 8 July 2014 14:56

What a mood killer

Socrates_fml 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:02

how did you answer/what happened?

meaganwas 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:03

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sockmonkey560 0

Monday 20 July 2009 8:27

lol!

doglover_427 0

Thursday 15 April 2010 6:14

definately. xD he understands everything

GreatGeak 8

Thursday 18 November 2010 17:32

He's cool, but He'd never want you to start. ...He's the after marriage kinda guy. granted there'd be a lot less stories if people started waiting.

thegoods69 0

Sunday 30 January 2011 2:15

hey 3 you single jk

orgin1 0

Monday 27 June 2011 3:34

win

l23VIVE 17

Saturday 14 April 2012 5:31

He's not real so how could have an opinion

little_red13 6

Sunday 25 November 2012 8:42

Yeah he is. Dick..

ProctorKProducti 5

Sunday 30 March 2014 6:42

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Show it anyway

colby6666 43

Tuesday 1 April 2014 20:34

And so the fighting over religion begins...

bellwether 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:03

Well, do you?

lifeisaterriblem 6

Sunday 12 June 2011 8:12

jeffreebitch 0

Monday 4 July 2011 9:25

Jeffrey Dahmer is mine ;)

LaChicaBonita 0

Tuesday 5 July 2011 4:36

hell no! Jesus suckas! XP get real people

tumornamedmarla 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:05

HAHAHAHAH. I'm a girl, so I wouldn't particularly know, but something tells me there are fewer faster ways to lose a hard-on.

Adrian66_fml 0

Sunday 28 March 2010 7:50

Yes, jesus would most likely be an instant hard-on killer.

beerchen 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:05

LOL @ #3

misssweetsweet 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:07

WOW! I bet that was a bit disturbing... and confusing.

dawnie1001 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:07

Ya that will make everything crawl right up inside.

SaturnE_fml 0

Monday 14 June 2010 6:06

Exactly! He was about to bust, and she wanted to ****!

blah_blah_bleh 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:08

This is probably one of the funniest FML's i've seen yet hahahahahahahahahahahaaha

waterydesire 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:10

.... Daaaayomnnn.. What a way to kill the mood.

Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 539

You deserved it 1 905

Today, my husband threw a bitch-fit and made passive aggressive remarks throughout the entire day. What did I do? Call him out on commenting an eggplant, peach, and winky face emoji under a female friend’s picture. He deactivated all social media accounts and shouted, “Are you happy now? I can’t talk to anyone now!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 96

The Top

Today, my own breast milk has caused my sensitive skin to break out into a rash all over my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 881

You deserved it 262

Today, I posted a review, on a strictly anonymous site, about a doctor I went to see for my anxiety but who actually made me worse. A while later, the same doctor called my home phone, addressed me by my full name and threatened to sue me for slander if I didn't take down the review. All of which was 100% true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 592

You deserved it 194

Today, I went over to my neighbours' to politely complain about their dog, which had been barking non-stop for hours. This issue has been going on for months, and I finally decided today, of all days, was the day to resolve it. When I got there, they'd just got home from giving birth at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 330

You deserved it 3 946

Today, I found out that the small bugs I've been blowing off my pillow all year are in fact baby cockroaches. I discover this when I found two full grown ones crawling around and decided to Google it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 448

You deserved it 917

Today, my "friends" who know very well that I am terrified of bees forced me to face my fears, despite my protesting. As my "friends" watched and laughed while I tried to keep calm, a wasp showed up and scared me half to death, thereby angering the other bees. My face looked like a giant raspberry after the fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 138

Today, while answering hospice calls, I had to take this one with a straight face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 135