Work: Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college,...

By AntSimo - 19/05/2009 07:46 - South Africa

Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 661

You deserved it 2 968

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Same thing different taste

You're nicked

By DrunkenValor - 06/09/2009 04:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 305

You deserved it 3 466

Appropriate force

By Peppered and Zapped - 07/04/2020 05:00

Today, I'm recovering from being pepper-sprayed, beat with a baton and Tased, and arrested for assault. I'm a bouncer and was trying to remove a drunk asshole from the bar when the police showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 119

You deserved it 209

By Zizi - 04/07/2015 13:18 - Norway - Mosj?en

Today, I got punched in the face, had hair ripped out of my skull and broke a tooth on the pavement when I fell. Some guy mistook me for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 684

You deserved it 1 758

By ramis182 - 27/03/2012 00:17 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was not yet wearing my bouncer uniform when a fight broke out at a club. I intervened, only to have the cops who showed up tase me because they thought I was part of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 587

You deserved it 4 671

Public freakout

By selfdefense - 12/10/2009 04:16 - United Kingdom

Today, a customer at work became violent and started hitting me and my coworker. Not wanting him to get the shit beat out of us, I used a move that pinned the guy on the ground. The police came and he was arrested. I was then fired for assaulting a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 691

You deserved it 2 574

By Anonymous - 13/04/2016 08:25

Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 569

You deserved it 11 412

Fingered

By Anonymous - 13/04/2024 21:00 - United States

Today, I got questioned by the police. Last night I was at a party when a bully of a kid who happened to be an aspiring MMA coach and local fighter was picking on me, stole my alcohol and threw me out of the party. I heard he got stabbed by someone else he was picking on after I left. The police insist it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 108

Better safe than sorry, but…

By Anonymous - 25/10/2023 00:00

Today, I got tackled by a bouncer in a club and handed to police for spiking my date's drink. It was an ice cube. I'd asked the barman for some ice cubes, which I put in both my drink and hers, and someone assumed I was slipping her a roofie and reported me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 120

No good deed…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, someone was getting beat up by 6 guys. When I tried to help, they had a swing at me as well. The cops came when I was enthusiastically defending myself. They got away, I got arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 126

You deserved it 4 282

By ihateteenagers - 30/12/2010 02:12 - United States

Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 576

You deserved it 10 080

stig53kr 0

Tuesday 19 May 2009 17:05

A CV is short for curriculum vitae or more commonly known as a résumé.

notmuch 0

Tuesday 19 May 2009 16:18

Wait what? Who pressed the charges if not you?

Comments

vcjesusfreak 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 1:58

42 I hope you were kidding not everyone who goes to a bar is an alcoholic As for everyone else: BLOOOWWWWW MMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Saoul_fml 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 3:25

That's ****** up man. Real ****** up. Why didn't you file the report, though? He hit you.

Roddsy 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 4:58

#31 ftw. #14, 20, 28 and all the rest, you are all turds - and deserve one in your face (: seriously, for those of you whom *smile* are getting so agitated by the use of proper words, go educate yourselves - or just stop being so arrogant and stuck-up -_-; and people STILL use the word CV, wtf? btw, if i continue hearing from people (such as americans) saying or implying that "american english" is NOT derived from english and or words in proper english are wrong whilst their derivation in "american english" are correct.. i will implode. >_> lols whateva =] boredom sucks though =/

Roddsy 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 5:04

oh, may i also point out that words like "learnt" (there are many others) have been 'simplified' down for americans in "american english" to become "learned". yesh, they're all killing off the english language!! T_T; >_> but yeah, apparently it's to make it more simple. =P (need i explain? or can you work out what i'm insinuating? ;] ) kehe. -gives you all cookies- be nice! xP

arby 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 15:21

I wouldn't think that it would go on any records after you straightened things out with them about the fact that you weren't the one who was the assaulter.

sarasarasarasara 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 21:10

I call it a CV and I'm a 16 year old no body so for everyone who is saying that he's trying to be stuck up try to consider that different people use different words. Oh and whilst is a bog standard english word - maybe you should go back to school and try again.