Intimacy: Typical

Typical

By Anonymous - 16/05/2013 20:54 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 318

You deserved it 9 464

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

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Same thing different taste

Chop chop

By shaz - 27/04/2023 10:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend by cooking dinner. As I was chopping onions, I cut my finger and started bleeding everywhere. She walked in, saw the blood on the onions, and almost passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 124

Kitchen Nightmares

By just the tip, though - 28/01/2014 17:06 - United States - Grovetown

Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 024

You deserved it 11 935

Roasted

By wordmalfunction - 25/05/2009 21:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving Roast Duck I would be serving Roast Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 125

You deserved it 44 811

By xoragebaby - 24/01/2015 01:29 - United States

Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 723

You deserved it 5 046

By Anonymous - 03/08/2009 18:33 - United States

Today, I was handling corrosive chemicals when I accidentally spilled a beaker of Hydrochloric Acid on myself. I had to strip naked and use the emergency shower with my boss and my hot coworker watching. The worst part was when I realized my coworker was laughing at the size of my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 423

You deserved it 7 029

By pootythe5th - 30/08/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 536

You deserved it 38 668

By anonymous - 16/02/2010 01:25 - United States

Today, I was really excited to be observing my first autopsy for my forensics class. Apparently so was the guy behind me. He barfed up ramen noodles all over my hair and back. I couldn't leave the room to clean up. For two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 002

You deserved it 1 941

Childish doofus

By -__- - 26/12/2015 13:41

Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 397

You deserved it 3 007

By bill219 - 07/12/2012 22:40 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 234

You deserved it 26 087

Food flight

By ashley_skillz06 - 24/01/2010 05:21 - France

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef was throwing food at us, I was getting ready for my turn. He tossed a piece of broccoli at me, I leaned back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 360

You deserved it 7 403

MsConfusedd 27

Friday 17 May 2013 1:12

It must be awkward cooking with family at holiday time.

yetanotherginger 19

Friday 17 May 2013 1:13

As long as it isn't typical that you are aroused by people tearing up, I think you'll live

Comments

IvyPalin 7

Friday 17 May 2013 2:10

How are onions a turn on? Oh onion it's so hot when you let me chop you?

TheBrochure 22

Friday 17 May 2013 2:48

Maybe OP has unknowingly been classically conditioned, kind of like that one FML with the bananas!

rosenkrieger223 21

Friday 17 May 2013 2:49

Just like that.

Radoh 3

Friday 17 May 2013 2:15

Never be ashamed.

Old_Iron_Sides 6

Friday 17 May 2013 2:24

You should buy the onion rings to seal the deal.

abylaunch 10

Friday 17 May 2013 2:27

You people are being so judgmental, obviously he's not turned on by onions... he's turned on by tears!

gemstone586 12

Friday 17 May 2013 2:27

Hey, at least everyone else was too busy clawing their eyes out to notice.. :)

jchiledred 12

Friday 17 May 2013 2:28

Cooking is quite ......exiting

nyrangersfan9 13

Friday 17 May 2013 2:45

From what I've been told by my head chef, graduate with Culinary Institute of America, onions only make you cry if you break the special tiny capsules, which you can avoid by using a freshly sharpened knife. Prevent your boners by sharp knives.