Intimacy: Wanker

Wanker

By bongoboy - 25/04/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I was staying with my grandma. While in her bathroom, the floss I was using cut my gum which made me wince in slight pain. At the same time, my grandma was walking by in the corridor, so she stopped to say, "Don't wank in my bathroom you sicko!" Now my grandma thinks I'm a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 395

You deserved it 6 245

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Sorry grandma

By Anonymous - 22/04/2021 17:01

Today, my grandma called me to see how my oral surgery went. She gave me a kiss over the phone, but when I tried to make the kiss sound back to her, the bandages got in the way and it came out as a fart sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 161

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 03:44 - United States - Arcadia

Today, my grandma saw me putting some mints in my mouth when she walked by my room. Instead of confronting me, she told my dad I was doing drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 716

You deserved it 1 300

By notsoclean - 24/12/2010 21:14 - United States

Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 487

You deserved it 3 697

Family time is best time

By Momlovesme - 08/08/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 262

You deserved it 17 461

By welptimetoburntheplacedown - 11/08/2014 15:02 - United States - Louisville

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 310

You deserved it 3 702

Oh no…

By Oh... - 26/07/2019 16:00 - Australia

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 975

You deserved it 262

By webcammistake - 17/03/2009 20:51 - United States

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks we're lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 103

You deserved it 75 831

By bleeeaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhh - 21/06/2013 21:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I walked in on my grandma playing with herself. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that no mortal was ever meant to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 316

You deserved it 7 251

By Andrew - 24/09/2010 10:22 - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 278

You deserved it 4 585

My ears!

By epistaxis - 02/02/2009 00:43 - Australia

Today, I'm staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 423

You deserved it 2 689

LoveFifteen 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 16:56

Umm, since when does masturbating making you a pervert?

ZetsubouSensei 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 16:18

Haha, nice. But I say YDI for having sex-like pain noises, dude.

Comments

AntiChrist7 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 18:23

you were probably planning on masturbating anyway, like all teens

Mr_Positive 3

Saturday 25 April 2009 18:36

#33 - totally dumb and stereotypical comment. According to official statistically collected information only 60% of teens do, its like me saying you yourself were planning to ********** just like all with a nickname of AntiChrist7. lol you should have explained to your grandma and showed her the floss !

average_girl 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 18:39

ummm... masturbating is actually healthy when ur a teen.. ur g ma is kinda stupid.. well i guess thts how u get when ur older

ilovefmlife 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 18:46

lol what kind of noises do you make when your in pain?

gleidu77 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 18:47

i definitely would have opened the door right away and showed her what youre doing. and what the hell is wrong with masturbating? everyone does it.

Seegtease 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 18:53

If your grandma is the type to think masturbating makes you a pervert, she probably already thought you were a pervert to begin with.

robbietherabbit 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 19:05

To people asking whats perverted about masturbating, keep in mind that he was supposedly masturbating in his grandma's house. That would've been a little strange I think. Though granny probably thought any location would be immoral.

lowcapacityx 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 19:06

Ew, what is your grandma thinking. Yuck.

BaldOuting 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 19:08

way to go grandma for jumping to conclusions...

Proseidon 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 19:12

@ #41- LOL ty for this thought. You should give your Grandma a Copy of the Scene from Office Space with the Jump to Conclusions Mat, from the middle aged heavy set guy (in the movie). Then Buy her a Jump to conclusions Porch Matt so you guys can laugh about it. :D