Intimacy: Wanker

Wanker

By bongoboy - 25/04/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I was staying with my grandma. While in her bathroom, the floss I was using cut my gum which made me wince in slight pain. At the same time, my grandma was walking by in the corridor, so she stopped to say, "Don't wank in my bathroom you sicko!" Now my grandma thinks I'm a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 395

You deserved it 6 245

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Same thing different taste

Sorry grandma

By Anonymous - 22/04/2021 17:01

Today, my grandma called me to see how my oral surgery went. She gave me a kiss over the phone, but when I tried to make the kiss sound back to her, the bandages got in the way and it came out as a fart sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 161

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 03:44 - United States - Arcadia

Today, my grandma saw me putting some mints in my mouth when she walked by my room. Instead of confronting me, she told my dad I was doing drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 716

You deserved it 1 300

By notsoclean - 24/12/2010 21:14 - United States

Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 487

You deserved it 3 697

Family time is best time

By Momlovesme - 08/08/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 262

You deserved it 17 461

By welptimetoburntheplacedown - 11/08/2014 15:02 - United States - Louisville

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 310

You deserved it 3 702

Oh no…

By Oh... - 26/07/2019 16:00 - Australia

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 975

You deserved it 262

By webcammistake - 17/03/2009 20:51 - United States

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks we're lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 103

You deserved it 75 831

By bleeeaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhh - 21/06/2013 21:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I walked in on my grandma playing with herself. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that no mortal was ever meant to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 316

You deserved it 7 251

By Andrew - 24/09/2010 10:22 - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 278

You deserved it 4 585

My ears!

By epistaxis - 02/02/2009 00:43 - Australia

Today, I'm staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 423

You deserved it 2 689

LoveFifteen 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 16:56

Umm, since when does masturbating making you a pervert?

ZetsubouSensei 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 16:18

Haha, nice. But I say YDI for having sex-like pain noises, dude.

Comments

casualmember 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 17:22

Did you open the door and show her your BLOODY MOUTH? That would have shut her up.

brodizzle 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 17:25

#5, perversion just means weirdness. Putting coffee beans in your cereal is perverted, for instance, but that'd be culinary perversion, not sexual perversion.

ScoobyDoo22 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 17:25

jcfdwigheusehgbuyhuyaghfuysdfgbsdfuhgbuyaevby i have MASSIVE DIARRHEA! CDFHNASIFHNASDUIISIFBHASDUIBGvnadfbnasdfuigbusdfgbsdfu

I_hate_geography 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 17:31

uhmmm, wow that actually really sucks, if she doesn't believe you, call her a pervert y'know, for thinking that's what you were doing in the bathroom ; )

elara15 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 17:33

I agree with #6. I've bled from flossing before, but had never hurt enough to make any sort of noise - let alone a sound that could be so easily misconstrued. When they accidentally scrape your gums at the dentist, and you whine, that's FYL. For now, YDI.

A7X5989 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 17:39

hahahahahaha

Boogers 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 17:53

What do you mean "had to visit your grandma"? Jeeze, and how do you cut your gum with a peice of string?!

SilentGround 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 18:05

#29 - she probably meant she literally had to visit her grandma. and because that string is extremely strong, that's how. and wow, this is unfortunate.