Wankers

By Anonymous - 23/08/2016 08:38

Spicy
Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off, so he decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying, "If God doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML
I agree, your life sucks 27 234
You deserved it 2 906
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Top comments

latenerd 11

Sorry you both got grounded OP, but that was hysterical! I don't blame you for laughing. Your dad is wrong to try to shame both of you for something normal.

444 4

Comments

EvilLittleMan 23

Your brother spunked your Dad but sorry to hear you got grounded OP.

5 1
NostalgiaFreak9 41

Masturbation is completely normal and healthy, what is it with religious people who think it's "evil" and a "sin"?

23 5
shakotoon 4

I think it stems from the story/myth of Onan and the "crime" of "spilling seed". Poor kid, though. There's really nothing wrong, immoral or unhealthy with pleasuring oneself.

10 2
waleedma 18

Cant make up my mind..... Your life sucks? Or you deserved it??? But one thing I am still laughing an hour after reading this???

6 9
pjsr 32

I hope you gave him a good high five after. Tbh, being grounded or sent to your room just gives you more time to **********.

33 3
PurpleMyth 28

I definitely wouldn't high five him for a while, just to be safe

32 0
pjsr 32

Good point #21 - makes you wonder how quickly the lecture followed the getting caught in the act. "Brian, come here to your brother's room right now!"

8 0
Callum536 5

Just make sure not the hive five the wrong hand... If you know what I mean

1 2
pjsr 32

This is also something you can use to tease your brother from now until you die: "Whaat?! You can get your hand all the way around your knob?" "Hey bro! If God didn't want you to give me a helping hand, why is your hand just the right size to fit around my knob?" "Bro, that car's exhaust pipe is the same size as your knob. God must want you to stick it in there" The grounding you got now will be worth the laughs you and your brother will have remembering this for the next 70 years.

23 3
8313girl 28

No, respect the knob.

18 1
Danne696 14

Respect is mutual, If OPs father doesn't respect them then no respect should be given in return.

17 2
qurk 2

You mean, "submit to" your father...and he will "respect" and not be an asshole to you? People who feel they deserve respect because they treat other people horribly are cornflakes. He is ****-shaming his own sons and he deserves to be called out for it.

3 0
Eleora 19

I know many have said it before me, but that was hilarious! Sorry that you're grounded though, OP!

6 2
edward_cooper 10

wtf are you even doing here? youre damn hot. go get the **** outa here.

0 0
novdestiny 23

If God didn't want you to ********** he wouldn't have put genitals at hand hight.

15 2